She: He needs to grow
I: Him? Why?
She: He needs to be taller.
I: What do you mean? Did you see his face and think he would be cuter if he were taller? Or do you think it would be better if he were taller, period?
She: Well, come on...muscular and a shaved head. I didn't see his face, but it would be much better if he were taller.
I: What about short women? Don't we deserve men our size?
She: No, cuz then you'd just breed more short babies.
I: Shortness is not a disease!!
29 April 2007
13 April 2007
Hypocrisy, thy name is Addiction
I hate it when people talk on their cell phones and drive at the same time. HATE it. Of course, to be fair, I generally assume that anybody in another car is a complete and total moron, who requires all two of his or her (usually her) brain cells merely to drive, so when they use one of those brain cells to carry on a conversation, my stress level increases exponentially. People are stupid anyway. Add in the fact that they are trying to both drive and carry on a conversation (and usually, listen to the radio too) at the same time and my chances of arriving at my destination
a) in one piece
b) in a good mood
c) both
go from slim to none.
Why do they have to talk and drive at the same time? What is SO important that they can't wait until they get home to use the phone? Are they afraid of the silence? The alone time? Are they trying to silence the voices in their heads?
When I first got my cell phone, I was really good about not talking and driving at the same time. I didn't call anybody from the car, unless it was an emergency, and if the phone rang, I either ignored it or I told them I would call them back. Part of this was because I was driving a standard with no power steering, but part of it was that I was a goodie-two shoes. But then I discovered the hands free head set *waaaahhhh!*, and I learned something very interesting. The car is the PERFECT time to have a conversation. It's quiet, I'm alone. It's forced isolation. The only distractions are the moronic drivers on the road, and if traffic isn't too bad, you can even get around that. When I'm in the car, I can't be obsessing about what I SHOULD be doing, so I can give my full attention (minus that required to drive, of course) to my conversation partner.
Then my hands free died (actually, it got caught in the car door and I dragged it all the way home. Not sure why the clanking and clacking didn't register in my brain.), anyway. So it died and I got a new car....still a standard, but one with power steering *ooooooo*, and I learned how to steer, shift and talk on the phone at the same time. And gradually, my phone time grew. And suddenly, there wasn't a car trip I took when I wasn't also talking on my phone. The minute I got in the car, I put my phone in easy reach "just in case".
When it finally dawned on me that I was *gasp* addicted to talking while driving, I knew I had to do something about it. So, I would get in the car. My phone still in easy reach, but I would promise myself that this time - this time - I wouldn't call anyone. I won't pick up the phone. I don't need to talk to anyone. It can wait. Nothing is too important. right?
But, somehow, my brain wouldn't believe me, and my fingers would start to itch. Who am I going to call? Who? My brain would search frantically for any reason. ANY REASON at all to call someone.
"Mom, um, hi. Do you, uh, need....anything?"
"Hey, sis. Just calling cuz I haven't talked to you since, uh, well, this morning..."
So, these last two days, I have left my phone at home (for various reasons) and it has been HARD. I'd get in the car, and pull out of the drive. 2 feet down the road, my brain would start thinking about who to call. But wait! My phone is on the coffee table!! OH NO! My hands would start shaking, my heart would start racing and I would start sweating profusely. No time to turn back. Leave it there. You'll be working all day. No time for phone calls. Stop being such a baby.
WAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHH!!!! I want my PHONE!!!!
And so, I would drive down the road, unsteady hands trying to control the steering wheel, sweat obscuring my vision, brain running in circles, racing heart and talking to myself. All far more dangerous and distracting than driving whilst talking, if you ask me.
Cold turkey, schmurkey. I'm getting bluetooth.
a) in one piece
b) in a good mood
c) both
go from slim to none.
Why do they have to talk and drive at the same time? What is SO important that they can't wait until they get home to use the phone? Are they afraid of the silence? The alone time? Are they trying to silence the voices in their heads?
When I first got my cell phone, I was really good about not talking and driving at the same time. I didn't call anybody from the car, unless it was an emergency, and if the phone rang, I either ignored it or I told them I would call them back. Part of this was because I was driving a standard with no power steering, but part of it was that I was a goodie-two shoes. But then I discovered the hands free head set *waaaahhhh!*, and I learned something very interesting. The car is the PERFECT time to have a conversation. It's quiet, I'm alone. It's forced isolation. The only distractions are the moronic drivers on the road, and if traffic isn't too bad, you can even get around that. When I'm in the car, I can't be obsessing about what I SHOULD be doing, so I can give my full attention (minus that required to drive, of course) to my conversation partner.
Then my hands free died (actually, it got caught in the car door and I dragged it all the way home. Not sure why the clanking and clacking didn't register in my brain.), anyway. So it died and I got a new car....still a standard, but one with power steering *ooooooo*, and I learned how to steer, shift and talk on the phone at the same time. And gradually, my phone time grew. And suddenly, there wasn't a car trip I took when I wasn't also talking on my phone. The minute I got in the car, I put my phone in easy reach "just in case".
When it finally dawned on me that I was *gasp* addicted to talking while driving, I knew I had to do something about it. So, I would get in the car. My phone still in easy reach, but I would promise myself that this time - this time - I wouldn't call anyone. I won't pick up the phone. I don't need to talk to anyone. It can wait. Nothing is too important. right?
But, somehow, my brain wouldn't believe me, and my fingers would start to itch. Who am I going to call? Who? My brain would search frantically for any reason. ANY REASON at all to call someone.
"Mom, um, hi. Do you, uh, need....anything?"
"Hey, sis. Just calling cuz I haven't talked to you since, uh, well, this morning..."
So, these last two days, I have left my phone at home (for various reasons) and it has been HARD. I'd get in the car, and pull out of the drive. 2 feet down the road, my brain would start thinking about who to call. But wait! My phone is on the coffee table!! OH NO! My hands would start shaking, my heart would start racing and I would start sweating profusely. No time to turn back. Leave it there. You'll be working all day. No time for phone calls. Stop being such a baby.
WAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHH!!!! I want my PHONE!!!!
And so, I would drive down the road, unsteady hands trying to control the steering wheel, sweat obscuring my vision, brain running in circles, racing heart and talking to myself. All far more dangerous and distracting than driving whilst talking, if you ask me.
Cold turkey, schmurkey. I'm getting bluetooth.
11 April 2007
The Dog Drinks
| Hiking, Mt. Wrightson, Saturday, April 7. It's kind of hard to see, but she is drinking water from my mouth. No water bowls needed on walks again!! | |
AIMS-xiety
So, you remember when you were little and you had to take those stupid standardized tests? The bubbling in. The No. 2 pencils. The numb mind and behind after 2 hours of filling in those stupid bubbles.
Cat is to mouse as dragon is to
a) house
b) toilet paper
c) knight
d) all of the above
e) none of the above
The envying of the teachers because they don't have to do anything except read the stupid directions and then read a magazine while WE do all the work.
but, I digresss.
In Arizona, the standardized test is called AIMS. This is the week that our students have to take those tests. As the rookie teacher, I was going to be the one who floated around, taking over classes to give the other teachers breaks, but the teacher who works with the special ed classes wasn't able to be there today, so I took over her class.
No big deal, right?
Right. She walked me through the procedures "make SURE they understand the directions", we set up a seating chart, and then I left (this was yesterday). Well, apparently, it WAS a bigger deal than that.
I had THE weirdest dreams last night. I dreamed that we were set up in the art room (which we were supposed to be), but then the tables turned into desks. My 8 students were instead replaced by a hundred other students, none of them the correct ones, and none of them listening to a word I said. The pencil sharpener kept eating the NON No. 2 pencils. The principal came in and started trying to fix things, but it didn't work. AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
So scary. No wonder I was late to work this morning.
Cat is to mouse as dragon is to
a) house
b) toilet paper
c) knight
d) all of the above
e) none of the above
The envying of the teachers because they don't have to do anything except read the stupid directions and then read a magazine while WE do all the work.
but, I digresss.
In Arizona, the standardized test is called AIMS. This is the week that our students have to take those tests. As the rookie teacher, I was going to be the one who floated around, taking over classes to give the other teachers breaks, but the teacher who works with the special ed classes wasn't able to be there today, so I took over her class.
No big deal, right?
Right. She walked me through the procedures "make SURE they understand the directions", we set up a seating chart, and then I left (this was yesterday). Well, apparently, it WAS a bigger deal than that.
I had THE weirdest dreams last night. I dreamed that we were set up in the art room (which we were supposed to be), but then the tables turned into desks. My 8 students were instead replaced by a hundred other students, none of them the correct ones, and none of them listening to a word I said. The pencil sharpener kept eating the NON No. 2 pencils. The principal came in and started trying to fix things, but it didn't work. AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
So scary. No wonder I was late to work this morning.
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