If I Should Die...

Yes, I know it's morbid. And.......I don't really care. I figure you all should know. you know. just in case.....

I guess I should back up. I have attended 2 funerals in the last month (it would have been 3, but I was out of town for the other one). All this has gotten me to thinking. And I realized that funerals are boring. REALLY boring. Not to disrespect the dead (by the way, why aren't you allowed to speak ill of the dead?....it's not like they care.) but why do funerals need to last for an hour? It seems to me that all you should need are a few nice words (if any are to be had), a hole in the ground and a shovel. All this should take a half hour, max. Then, everybody can go eat and hang out and speak about the dead person (either good or bad). So, here are my wishes for my funeral. This may change in the future, but this is what I want right now.

1. NO OPEN CASKET. That's just creepy. No viewing, no standing and staring at me, no saying "she looks like she's sleeping" and NO PICTURES. yech.
2. My organs are to be donated. This is of course based on the assumption that my organs will be worth donating. If in doubt go by what mom always says when you donate clothing to Goodwill: If you wouldn't wear it, don't give it away. That is to say: If you wouldn't want my liver, don't donate it.
3. Please donate my body to science. There are too many future doctors out there who haven't had a chance to work with a real cadaver. That makes me sad. I promise to try to get in shape so that said future doctors won't have to be grossed out when working on my body. If science doesn't want my body, cremate me. Or let the cats eat me.
4. No flowers. I mean, I like flowers, but I would rather that people take the money they would have spent on flowers and donate it to a worthy cause. For example: Soldiers' Angels, Salvation Army, Christian Children's Fund or any local school. If you must have flowers, I like lilies.
5. No sermons. Instead I would like congregational singing from the Primitive Baptist song book, a few nice memories said about me and then food. Lots and lots of food. I don't want it turned into a church service. I don't want somebody preaching to the people who are there to say goodbye to me. Talk about God, yes and how big a part He has in my life, but no preaching. People aren't there to be converted.

So that's it for now. I may update periodically, but it's here now. If I die tomorrow, you'll know what I want.

Happy Saturday!

Bra Wars

A long time ago
In a galaxy far, far away......


It was the time of Laundry. A time when Water and Dirt fought for supremacy over the Washer. And in the end, Water won, but at a very high cost. Water, spent and tired from the battle, was washed away to the Great Outdoors and the bras, finally clean were laid out to dry in peace and quiet.

The bras remained there - untouched and quiet - slowly recovering from the grueling ordeal, until a great and almighty being called Earl* led his followers to them and began the epic crusade known as....

BRA WARS!!!


*Earl has insisted that I make it known that this only occurred after 4 pints of Guinness.