Midnight Conversations

Today, I am thankful for Midnight. I'm thankful because, although I really would rather be asleep, Midnight means Playtime. And Playtime means Conversations.

"Are you hungry?"

"Meh. I could eat."

He futzes around, nibbling, drinking little bits here and there.

"That's hardly the same thing, son."

"You're right. I don't really want to eat right now."

I sit him up and he looks around, amazed by all he sees.

"Mama, do you see that bright light on the ceiling?!"

"Yes, son."

"It is so pretty! When did it get there?"

"It's been there all along. You stare at it every night. Don't you remember?"

"I dunno, Mama. This light is really special. I don't think it's the same as the one I saw before."

He begins to move his head, determined to explore the other wonders of the living room. He's still very wobbly, but every day has better control over his muscles. From the safety of my lap, he catalogs the various sights. 

"There's my swing, Mama. I like my swing. I like to be in it when it's light outside and I can watch the windows. That's nice. But sometimes, Mama, I can't stay awake. But I think that's ok because I sleep really well in my swing. I like the sounds it makes."

"Sometimes, Sweet Boy, I wish I had a swing too. I'll bet it really is very soothing."

"I like the TV, too, Mama. It has really pretty pictures on it."

"Don't get too attached, kid. TV is going to be a special treat when you get older. You won't watch nearly as much as you do now."

"Ok, Mama. Have you seen my hands?! Now, those are NEAT! Look. I can move this one. Wait! Where did it go? Oh, there it is. One day, Mama, I'm going to figure out how to work these hands, and then, I'll do amazing things with them!"

"Oh you will, will you? Like what?"

"I'm not sure, but I think that if I work really hard at it, I might be able to get my thumb to stay in my mouth so I can suck on it."

"That would be quite the accomplishment, wouldn't it?"

"I know! I'll ask Daddy. He can teach me how to use my hands, right?"

"That's right!"
"I thought so. Daddy can do anything. He can hold me with just one hand, and he makes silly faces and noises for me, and when he stands up I am really close to the lights, and when he holds me and talks, it's all rumbly and low and makes my body vibrate. And, did you know, Mama, I get to help him with his homework?"

"You do? How?"

"Well...I want to help, but I don't really understand what he's doing, so I just sit with him while he works on it, but that's still helping, right, Mama?"

"You bet it is."

"Yeah, I thought so. I want to stand up now, ok, Mama?"

"Ok, baby."

I stand him up on my lap. He's very noodley and limp and then, all of a sudden, he tightens up his leg muscles, pushing down into my lap and surges upward.  He's standing! His arms go stiff, too, and kind of flail around, as if for balance. He holds his head up straight and eyes, slightly crossed, open big and wide, and his mouth forms a big O that curls up in a smile at the corners. He looks so proud of himself, and I don't have the heart to tell him that my hands are still supporting him (I suspect this will always be the case - him striking out on his own, me quietly supporting - I think that's how the relationship is supposed to work).

"Look, Mama!"

"I see, baby! You're doing a great job! What a strong boy you are!"

"I know. I think probably nobody else has ever figured out how to do this before!"

He slumps down, winded. It's hard work, doing things nobody else has ever done before. And in an instant, he's back up again. Up and down, up and down he goes, taking in new sights each time he stands. He chatters on and I just listen.

"That's where the dogs go during the day, right Mama?"

"That's the kitchen. What's food taste like?"

"Daddy and I do Daddy's homework there. There's a really nice light right over the table."

But, eventually, he tires out and sits back down. His adventures for the night are over. He becomes reflective.

"I can't wait for Asa to be born, can you, Mama? How long til he gets here. I have a lot to tell him."
"He'll be here any day now."
"Oh. That's good."


He gets quiet and the stillness stretches out, covering us like a warm blanket. We just sit there, enjoying the quiet together.


Suddenly, he stirs, and I know our time together is coming to an end.

"Are you hungry?"

"Yes, Mama."

So, we settle in to nurse. His hand moves slowly through the air, as if under water, and his eyes take in as much as he can still see. At first, he looks at me a lot, but slowly, his gaze turns inward. His tummy is getting full and his muscles are pleasantly warm from all his activity. His hand movements get slower and his eyes get heavy. He blinks. And again. And eventually, his eyes just stay closed. His arm falls back behind him, suspended in the air, hand curled up in a fist. His sucking slows, now just intermittent nibbling. And just before he unlatches and falls fast asleep, he smiles.

Resolutions Upate

It's been three weeks since the resolutions were made and in an attempt not to go completely off track in my resolutions, I'm going to be updating my progress on them.


1. Daily Bible Study with Paul.

We are doing pretty well on this. We're following along with a group on Facebook and this is keeping up fairly honest and motivated. Somehow, we've never done the readings on Fridays or Saturdays, and I'm really not sure why, but we are behind on those days. We also have gotten behind on a few other days, but only by one week. We're endeavoring this week to catch up completely.

2. Daily prayer for my family, friends and church - create a specific prayer list

Why is it so hard to remember to pray? We do pray everyday, but it is so easy to just dash of a "thanks for the food" prayer and feel like you've done your job. We started a specific prayer list, and after spending the first couple of weeks at the bottom of the filing pile, it is finally in an easily visible place on the refrigerator. We are getting better about specific prayer, but definitely need some work to make this a daily habit.

3. Gratitude Posts - Daily!

I was doing really well with this for the first two weeks. Then, I missed a day and my perfectionist nature wouldn't let me do the next day til I caught up and I just keep missing days. Well, I'm back on track again. I decided not to try to fill in the missing days, but rather pick up from here. 

4. Be a good Keeper at Home - find a cleaning schedule and create a sanctuary for our family

Surprisingly, I am having the most success with this goal. It's remarkably easy to keep a clean house clean! And, those days when I don't get a chance to straighten up don't have too big of an impact on the next day's work. One reason for this success is that I have a deadline (surprise! I'm not an internally motivated person!). In March, I start babysitting for Brooke again, and I want to have my house "Spring Cleaning" clean before then. As I said before, it's easy to keep a clean house clean. So, I'm taking one area per week, with two weeks left at the end, and I'm doing a deep, purge-style, clean. The only rules are that I 1) have to keep up daily chores like laundry and dishes, 2) do as much work each day as I can/Timothy will let me (if I miss a day, no feeling guilty), and 3) stop an area when the week is over. Whatever didn't get finished can be revisited in the last two weeks. Maybe this is my "nesting", huh?

Week 1: Week of Jan 8: The Nursery

Week 2: Week of Jan 15: The Hallway (closets), Laundry Room and Bathrooms

Week 3: Week of Jan 22: The Master Bedroom

Week 4: Week of Jan 29: The Kitchen

Week 5: Week of Feb 5: The Studio

Week 6: Week of Feb 12: The Living Room

Weeks 7 & 8: Weeks of Feb 19 & 26: Finishing weeks/prep for babysitting

5. Tell Paul each day how much I love him and how thankful I am for him

Check. :-) (But I probably could tell him a bit more each day...)

6. Daily walks - weather permitting

Ugh. I don't wanna talk about it. Suffice it to say, most days, the weather is very permitting....

I'm trying to do better every day.

Two Months

Dear Timothy,

You are two months old today. It's hard to believe that you aren't even supposed to be here until tomorrow. I cannot imagine life without you. You have been home for exactly one month, and what a month it has been! You weigh almost 9lbs, and are 20.5 inches long. You have grown SO much in the last two months! We finally found a routine, you and I. Well, not a routine so much as a system. You demand, I give. But I don't mind. I'm learning to live with less sleep, which for me is a big deal. I like sleep. I don't function all that well without it. But, surprisingly, I'm doing ok right now. Things are hardest for me when you wake up in the middle of the night, because I want to keep sleeping and it's difficult to keep my eyes open. After a week or so of nodding off and being afraid I was going to drop you while you were nursing, I finally figured out that I need some distraction during those wee hours of the morning. So, NetFlix and I have gotten to spend quite a lot of time together. It's working out really well this way (plus, I can watch silly movies that your daddy doesn't want to watch).

When you first came home, you were still dealing with pretty bad reflux, so I had to wait about 45 minutes after you ate to lay you down. And, seeing as you were wanting to eat about every 2 hours, that gave me exactly one hour of sleep at a time. That system didn't work. Like I said, I like sleep. So, I finally just started propping myself up against the arm of the couch and letting you sleep on my chest. That has worked out really well for both of us, because we both sleep better and you don't reflux all over everything. The only issue I have with that is that it separates your daddy and me, but we both know it's temporary. Your reflux is already a lot better and more manageable, so I expect that it won't be too long before I can sleep in my bed again.

At Candlelight Service

We took you to church for the first time on Dec 18. You were a big hit. Everybody thinks you are just the sweetest thing! I think you enjoyed church and I know I certainly did. I had really missed going. We were planning on not passing you around or letting anybody hold you, because we were afraid of germs, but that plan kind of got changed by Marme. She just loves you so much and we couldn't tell her that she had to wait to hold you. But, it worked out just fine. Our pastor pulled rank on her and took you from her for a while, which was pretty funny (Marme kind of clutched you to her chest and had this pseudo-panicked look on her face), but they worked it out. We also had our Candlelight Service that evening, so it turned out to be a really long day for you. You sat with Daddy during that service and at one point, you made a face so funny that Daddy started laughing. He laughed so hard that he cried. He couldn't sing and he couldn't explain what you'd done. He just laughed and laughed and laughed. Later he said "He looked like Jerry Lewis." (I'll show you a picture of Jerry Lewis sometime so that you know what he meant).  You got the hiccups during the service and the pastor shushed everybody so that we could listen to you. Everybody is really excited to have a baby in the church again. You are such a blessing to more than just your parents.

With T - you're gonna love her!

You finally got to meet some wonderful people. You met B&T and their family. You and Asa are going to be great friends, I just know it.


You also met Cousin Brooke. You didn't get to meet the rest of the family, but you will soon. She just loved you and we cannot wait until you and Jude and Joel get to play together. It's going to be so much fun!

With Brooke - one of the best people you'll ever know.

 You also met Uncle Joe and Aunt B. They pretty much loved you right away.

Aunt 'Rah made you the hat.

You got your first cold, too. It hasn't been so bad, but you got that nasty eye-booger thing going on. I took you in to the doctor on the 23rd because I wanted to make sure the cold wasn't moving into your chest, and while we were there, he diagnosed you with a hernia. Awesome. He said you would need surgery, and soon. We tried to set up an appointment with the surgeons' group, but they were already closed for the holiday weekend. That weekend was one of the most tense and stressful of my life. You weren't in any pain, but I was so worried that the hernia would cause permanent damage or get so bad that you would be in real trouble. You and I missed Christmas with the family because of your cold and hernia, but Daddy went over and got to spend time with them. Marme and Pop and Uncle Sam came back with him and we had a fun little mini-Christmas with them. It was a fun time, but I still missed the big family get together. Oh well, there's always next year! The next day, your hernia looked so much better, so we went to church and then on to spend time with Grandma and Papa. Papa thinks that you are so handsome and that Daddy and I should have a dozen children just like you. I told him we might. On the 26th, we called the surgeons' group again, but they were still closed. Your hernia was back to looking bad and by 4 that afternoon, it looked so bad that we took you to the emergency room. Thankfully, it wasn't to emergency status just yet, but they showed us what to look for and how to help you. (I never thought I would add "hernia reduction" to my list of abilities....).

We finally got an appointment with a surgeon and you went in for surgery on the 29th. The nurses at the hospital just LOVED you and they kept coming in during surgery prep to have a look at you. Finally, it was time for your surgery. We were so scared for you, but you came through it just fine. Marme and Pop and Pastor came and spent the time with us, which was really wonderful of them. It took you a long time to come out of the anesthesia, but they watched you very closely and you finally were able to breathe on your own. We all spent the night in the hospital, with you hooked up to monitors again, and you reverted to your old NICU ways of setting off the monitors just because you could. The nurses would finally just turn them off for awhile until you would settle down. We came home the next day and ever since have been just trying to get you better. I think you're doing a lot better today. Currently, you are sound asleep on my chest, which is an awfully cozy way to type.

Daddy and I are so blessed to have you. We are completely in love with you and cannot wait to see what you do with your third month (though, we do hope it is more peaceful than the first two!).

Happy Two Month Birthday, Sweet Boy. We love you!

Love,
Daddy and Mama

A Year of Thanks

One thing I love about November is the trend on Facebook where each day people post one thing for which they are grateful. One thing I hate about November is that this trend stops on Thanksgiving Day. I'm not pointing fingers; I do it too. I just think I can do better, that's all!

I was on Pinterest (which is just TOO much fun!) and saw this. It's a Gratitude Journal. The idea is that you create a little journal and everyday for a whole year write down one thing for which you're thankful. I LOVE this idea! Can you imagine how much happier you would be if you would actively remember your blessings? How much easier the hardships would be if your blessings were always at the front of your mind; if you had a tangible reminder of how good God is to you? I know that my life is always better and more fulfilling when I focus on the good. My hope is that by chronicling my blessings, I draw closer to God and become a better (more Christ-like, happier, more understanding and empathetic to those around me) person.



So, that's one of my goals this year. I am going to create a Gratitude Journal. But, I'm not a crafty person. I never have been. Oh, I long to be, but it just isn't in me. I look at people who do scrapbooking or quilting or embroidery or...and I just marvel at the wonderful works of art they create and the memories they preserve. Me? I can't do it. Maybe it's because there's no set procedure, or maybe it's because I'm a perfectionist, and if I can't get it all done now, there's no sense in trying. Who knows. Bottom line? Crafts are not my thing. I could just buy a notebook and just plain-jane it, but I have a better idea. Notebooks get lost, after all. So, instead of creating a book-journal, I'm going to use my blog. I already have it going, after all, so the perfectionist in me can't procrastinate, right?  Each day I'm going to post one Gratitude Post (update: I'm posting them all in one big post. It offends my OCD to have so many teeny posts with similar titles lying around.) in which I list at least one way in which the Lord has blessed me (it may or may not be it's own post. We'll see how I feel at the time).

Here I go!

January 1, 2012 - Today I am thankful that E&B got to come up and bring in the New Year with us. I have missed them so much and it has been simply wonderful to spend time with them again.

And, just so they're written down and, therefore, somewhat fleshed out, here are my New Year's Resolutions.

1. Daily Bible Study with Paul. (Thanks to M for setting up that group on Facebook!)
2. Daily prayer for my family, friends and church - create a specific prayer list
3. Gratitude Posts - Daily!
4. Be a good Keeper at Home - find a cleaning schedule and create a sanctuary for our family
5. Tell Paul each day how much I love him and how thankful I am for him
6. Daily walks - weather permitting