The Queen of Non Sequitur

Thanks #28

2012-02-15T15:54:00.001-06:00

Today I am thankful for the budget. It keeps me from doing stupid things.

How is your budget treating you this year?

Thanks #27

2012-02-14T15:53:00.000-06:00

Today, I am thankful for a broken alternator and the resulting day off work for my husband. It has been a much-needed and relaxing day off. In related news, I'm also quite thankful for a newly-repaired truck and the emergency fund.

Do you have an emergency fund?

Thanks #26

2012-02-05T18:41:00.000-06:00

Today, I am thankful for an uplifting and convicting sermon. It was exactly what I needed to hear. Isn't God good?

How was your Sunday?

Thanks #25

2012-02-04T11:58:00.001-06:00

Today I am thankful for my new clothesline!


Ain't she purty?

There is just something wonderful about clothes flapping in the breeze on a sunny day.

How have you been blessed today?

Thanks #24

2012-02-03T09:48:00.000-06:00

Today, I am thankful for the good health of my friend who just had her baby. Welcome to the world, Asa!

Thanks #22

2012-02-01T09:41:00.000-06:00

Today I am thankful to have spent one more year with my one and only. Happy Birthday, my love! Here's to another wonderful year of your life.

Thanks #21

2012-01-31T21:49:00.000-06:00

Today I am thankful for class ditching and John Wayne on NetFlix. It's been a wonderful, quiet evening at home, snuggled up with my boys on the couch.

Thanks #20

2012-01-30T21:50:00.000-06:00

Today, I am thankful for getting to teach horn lessons. All day today, I have been overwhelmed by the idea of teaching them, because it just means more time away from Paul, and I worry about how Timothy will behave, and I worry that I am not a good enough horn player to be a good teacher. But all that went away after I taught them. I love teaching (some days I really miss it), and this is such a wonderful way to get to keep using the skills God gave me.

Thanks #19

2012-01-29T21:53:00.000-06:00

Today, I am thankful for a great time spent at Grandma's house. I got to have a nap and then we got to spend time with the family, just talking and eating and watching Marme and Grandma take turns holding Timothy. I really love that we spend Sundays with the family.

Midnight Conversations

2012-01-28T00:56:00.000-06:00

Today, I am thankful for Midnight. I'm thankful because, although I really would rather be asleep, Midnight means Playtime. And Playtime means Conversations.

"Are you hungry?"

"Meh. I could eat."

He futzes around, nibbling, drinking little bits here and there.

"That's hardly the same thing, son."

"You're right. I don't really want to eat right now."

I sit him up and he looks around, amazed by all he sees.

"Mama, do you see that bright light on the ceiling?!"

"Yes, son."

"It is so pretty! When did it get there?"

"It's been there all along. You stare at it every night. Don't you remember?"

"I dunno, Mama. This light is really special. I don't think it's the same as the one I saw before."

He begins to move his head, determined to explore the other wonders of the living room. He's still very wobbly, but every day has better control over his muscles. From the safety of my lap, he catalogs the various sights.

"There's my swing, Mama. I like my swing. I like to be in it when it's light outside and I can watch the windows. That's nice. But sometimes, Mama, I can't stay awake. But I think that's ok because I sleep really well in my swing. I like the sounds it makes."

"Sometimes, Sweet Boy, I wish I had a swing too. I'll bet it really is very soothing."

"I like the TV, too, Mama. It has really pretty pictures on it."

"Don't get too attached, kid. TV is going to be a special treat when you get older. You won't watch nearly as much as you do now."

"Ok, Mama. Have you seen my hands?! Now, those are NEAT! Look. I can move this one. Wait! Where did it go? Oh, there it is. One day, Mama, I'm going to figure out how to work these hands, and then, I'll do amazing things with them!"

"Oh you will, will you? Like what?"

"I'm not sure, but I think that if I work really hard at it, I might be able to get my thumb to stay in my mouth so I can suck on it."

"That would be quite the accomplishment, wouldn't it?"

"I know! I'll ask Daddy. He can teach me how to use my hands, right?"

"That's right!"
"I thought so. Daddy can do anything. He can hold me with just one hand, and he makes silly faces and noises for me, and when he stands up I am really close to the lights, and when he holds me and talks, it's all rumbly and low and makes my body vibrate. And, did you know, Mama, I get to help him with his homework?"

"You do? How?"

"Well...I want to help, but I don't really understand what he's doing, so I just sit with him while he works on it, but that's still helping, right, Mama?"

"You bet it is."

"Yeah, I thought so. I want to stand up now, ok, Mama?"

"Ok, baby."

I stand him up on my lap. He's very noodley and limp and then, all of a sudden, he tightens up his leg muscles, pushing down into my lap and surges upward. He's standing! His arms go stiff, too, and kind of flail around, as if for balance. He holds his head up straight and eyes, slightly crossed, open big and wide, and his mouth forms a big O that curls up in a smile at the corners. He looks so proud of himself, and I don't have the heart to tell him that my hands are still supporting him (I suspect this will always be the case - him striking out on his own, me quietly supporting - I think that's how the relationship is supposed to work).

"Look, Mama!"

"I see, baby! You're doing a great job! What a strong boy you are!"

"I know. I think probably nobody else has ever figured out how to do this before!"

He slumps down, winded. It's hard work, doing things nobody else has ever done before. And in an instant, he's back up again. Up and down, up and down he goes, taking in new sights each time he stands. He chatters on and I just listen.

"That's where the dogs go during the day, right Mama?"

"That's the kitchen. What's food taste like?"

"Daddy and I do Daddy's homework there. There's a really nice light right over the table."

But, eventually, he tires out and sits back down. His adventures for the night are over. He becomes reflective.

"I can't wait for Asa to be born, can you, Mama? How long til he gets here. I have a lot to tell him."
"He'll be here any day now."
"Oh. That's good."

He gets quiet and the stillness stretches out, covering us like a warm blanket. We just sit there, enjoying the quiet together.

Suddenly, he stirs, and I know our time together is coming to an end.

"Are you hungry?"

"Yes, Mama."

So, we settle in to nurse. His hand moves slowly through the air, as if under water, and his eyes take in as much as he can still see. At first, he looks at me a lot, but slowly, his gaze turns inward. His tummy is getting full and his muscles are pleasantly warm from all his activity. His hand movements get slower and his eyes get heavy. He blinks. And again. And eventually, his eyes just stay closed. His arm falls back behind him, suspended in the air, hand curled up in a fist. His sucking slows, now just intermittent nibbling. And just before he unlatches and falls fast asleep, he smiles.

Thanks #17

2012-01-27T21:00:00.000-06:00

Today, I am thankful for gift cards. I love shopping with other people's money! :-)

Thanks #16

2012-01-26T22:27:00.001-06:00

Today I am thankful for my mama, who, even tho I am grown up, still takes such good care of he children and always extends that care to my friends. I hope I can be even half the mother she is.

Thanks #15

2012-01-25T13:27:00.000-06:00

Today I am thankful for a quiet, rainy day spent with my family.

Thanks #14

2012-01-24T16:08:00.000-06:00

Today, I am thankful for an all-knowing, loving, merciful God. I am grieving for my friends who just lost their baby at 23 weeks. I have an inkling of the fear they felt while at the hospital, but God, in His mercy, spared me from the devastating grief they now endure. I am so thankful that they believe in God and I pray they feel Him with them; that they are comforted by His presence and find peace. I am so thankful they fought so hard to save their little boy, that they resisted the pressure put on them by their bully of a doctor and the hospital to consider her life more important than an unborn babe's. I am thankful that they refused to give up on him, that they loved him and knew his life was precious. They are an amazing testament of strength and faith.

Resolutions Upate

2012-01-23T15:30:00.000-06:00

It's been three weeks since the resolutions were made and in an attempt not to go completely off track in my resolutions, I'm going to be updating my progress on them.

1. Daily Bible Study with Paul.

We are doing pretty well on this. We're following along with a group on Facebook and this is keeping up fairly honest and motivated. Somehow, we've never done the readings on Fridays or Saturdays, and I'm really not sure why, but we are behind on those days. We also have gotten behind on a few other days, but only by one week. We're endeavoring this week to catch up completely.

2. Daily prayer for my family, friends and church - create a specific prayer list

Why is it so hard to remember to pray? We do pray everyday, but it is so easy to just dash of a "thanks for the food" prayer and feel like you've done your job. We started a specific prayer list, and after spending the first couple of weeks at the bottom of the filing pile, it is finally in an easily visible place on the refrigerator. We are getting better about specific prayer, but definitely need some work to make this a daily habit.

3. Gratitude Posts - Daily!

I was doing really well with this for the first two weeks. Then, I missed a day and my perfectionist nature wouldn't let me do the next day til I caught up and I just keep missing days. Well, I'm back on track again. I decided not to try to fill in the missing days, but rather pick up from here.

4. Be a good Keeper at Home - find a cleaning schedule and create a sanctuary for our family

Surprisingly, I am having the most success with this goal. It's remarkably easy to keep a clean house clean! And, those days when I don't get a chance to straighten up don't have too big of an impact on the next day's work. One reason for this success is that I have a deadline (surprise! I'm not an internally motivated person!). In March, I start babysitting for Brooke again, and I want to have my house "Spring Cleaning" clean before then. As I said before, it's easy to keep a clean house clean. So, I'm taking one area per week, with two weeks left at the end, and I'm doing a deep, purge-style, clean. The only rules are that I 1) have to keep up daily chores like laundry and dishes, 2) do as much work each day as I can/Timothy will let me (if I miss a day, no feeling guilty), and 3) stop an area when the week is over. Whatever didn't get finished can be revisited in the last two weeks. Maybe this is my "nesting", huh?

Week 1: Week of Jan 8: The Nursery
Week 2: Week of Jan 15: The Hallway (closets), Laundry Room and Bathrooms
Week 3: Week of Jan 22: The Master Bedroom
Week 4: Week of Jan 29: The Kitchen
Week 5: Week of Feb 5: The Studio
Week 6: Week of Feb 12: The Living Room
Weeks 7 & 8: Weeks of Feb 19 & 26: Finishing weeks/prep for babysitting

5. Tell Paul each day how much I love him and how thankful I am for him

Check. :-) (But I probably could tell him a bit more each day...)

6. Daily walks - weather permitting

Ugh. I don't wanna talk about it. Suffice it to say, most days, the weather is very permitting....

I'm trying to do better every day.

Thanks #13

2012-01-14T13:37:00.002-06:00

Today I am thankful for a laid-back, sling-loving little boy; it makes errand running ever so much easier!

I am also thankful for Friday Night Fellowship!!! We had such a wonderful time and I am so excited about the new family in our church. They are just great!

Thanks #12

2012-01-12T00:53:00.000-06:00

Today, I am thankful for FIVE HOURS OF SLEEP IN A ROW!!!! I don't know how it happened, but it did and I loved it! Now, could someone please explain to me why I'm still so tired? :)

Thanks #11

2012-01-11T02:50:00.000-06:00

Today I am thankful for the return of (and my return to) Wednesday night Bible Study. Oh, how I've missed it! There's just something about not having it that makes the week seem incredibly long and hard. I wasn't able to attend in November and early December at all due to Timothy being in the NICU and then him coming home (and needing to be kept away from germs), and then study was canceled due to people being gone for the holidays. But, now it's back and I am so happy!

Thanks #10

2012-01-10T02:52:00.000-06:00

Today I am thankful for a quiet night at home with Paul and Timothy. This is one of the last before school starts back up for the semester and I am keenly aware of how I'll miss them.

Thanks #9

2012-01-09T21:30:00.001-06:00

Today, I am thankful for understanding parents and students. I had my first lesson of the year today and Paul wasn't able to be home, so it was just me and Timothy and my student and her mother. Timothy did really well for the first 30 minutes, but was practically inconsolable for the last 15. They were so understanding about it all and didn't seem upset in the least! I still feel bad about it, but at least we now know what we're facing.

Thanks #8

2012-01-09T13:03:00.002-06:00

Today, I am thankful for good friends. We had a great time with Brooke and family last night. What wonderful people!

Thanks #7

2012-01-07T12:28:00.000-06:00

Today, I am thankful for...

It is especially hard for me to come up with something for today's thanks. Timothy is going through a growth spurt and is nursing constantly and so I am getting very little quality sleep. To top it off, he has also added a 3-4 hour stretch of time where he is just wide awake and mildly fussy, which I could handle a lot easier if it were during daylight hours, but instead it tends to happen somewhere around 8pm and go on from there. Last night, he was awake from 8:45-12:45. Woke up at 2:45 to eat. Woke up at 3:45 to eat. Woke up at 4:45 to eat. Woke up at 5:45 to eat. Actually slept til 7:45, but then woke up at 7:45, 8:45, 9:45, 10:45 and 11:45 etc, etc, etc, all to eat. And we aren't talking nibbling here. No, he's eating for 15 minutes solid. Suffice it to say that I am exhausted, and, apparently, have thrown myself a Pity Party.

*sniff*
*snuffle*
*tear*
*sob*

But, it is about to be over. Like a heavyweight boxer, I'm about to take out my opponent and go and spend the rest of my time in Joy and Happiness. Yes, I'm tired, but so are many mothers. Yes, I'm frustrated, but I've been frustrated before and lived through it. Yes, my cha-chas are sore, but it's not a life or death thing. This is not a unique situation and I will survive it.

The gloves are on, the brain is focused and I am tired of being sad. Let's do this.

In this corner, weighing 9000 lbs, with the well-known Uppercut of Exhaustion and the Right Hook of Despair, Seeeeeeeeelllllllllfffffff Piiiiiiiiiiity!! And in this corner, completely weightless, but backed by the Power of God, Bleeeeeeeeeeesssiiiiiiiiiiiiiiingssssssssss!!

*puts in teeth guard and smacks gloves together*

*bell rings*

It's on.

Today I am thankful to have my little boy home from the hospital. *whack!*
Today I am thankful that you would never know he was born 9 weeks early *smack!*
Today I am thankful that he is able to nurse free of nursing aids or bottles (despite what that so-called lactation consultant predicted) *pow!*
Today I am thankful that I am able to stay home with him and take care of him while he's cranky and not feeling so hot (growing is hard work!). *kablooey!*
Today I am thankful for my church *jab!*
Today I am thankful that God has blessed me with an amazing husband and a beautiful son. *KA-POW!*

1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...9...10...TKO!

Thanks #6

2012-01-06T22:01:00.000-06:00

Today I am thankful for wonderful fellowship time spent with people who are both good friends and family. I am also thankful for a chance to meet new people who are sure to become good friends.

Thanks #5

2012-01-05T13:34:00.000-06:00

Today, I am thankful for a content little boy who loves to sit in his swing and just watch as I take the opportunity to do some deep-down cleaning in the kitchen.

Thanks #4

2012-01-04T15:48:00.006-06:00

Today I am thankful for a husband who took over baby-watching last night and allowed me to get 4, blissful, uninterrupted, wonderful hours of sleep all in a row (even though the baby was cranky and wouldn't take a bottle and threw up all over him)! Thank you, my love. I feel so much better!

Thanks #3

2012-01-03T12:20:00.000-06:00

Today I am thankful for a husband who will come home after a long, hard day at work and make dinner and clean up the kitchen and let me sleep, even though I haven't done anything all day long, just because I don't feel well.

Thanks #2

2012-01-02T14:00:00.000-06:00

Today, I am thankful for beautiful, sunny days in the middle of winter. I am thankful for little baby noises in my living room.

Two Months

2012-01-02T13:41:00.003-06:00

Dear Timothy,

You are two months old today. It's hard to believe that you aren't even supposed to be here until tomorrow. I cannot imagine life without you. You have been home for exactly one month, and what a month it has been! You weigh almost 9lbs, and are 20.5 inches long. You have grown SO much in the last two months! We finally found a routine, you and I. Well, not a routine so much as a system. You demand, I give. But I don't mind. I'm learning to live with less sleep, which for me is a big deal. I like sleep. I don't function all that well without it. But, surprisingly, I'm doing ok right now. Things are hardest for me when you wake up in the middle of the night, because I want to keep sleeping and it's difficult to keep my eyes open. After a week or so of nodding off and being afraid I was going to drop you while you were nursing, I finally figured out that I need some distraction during those wee hours of the morning. So, NetFlix and I have gotten to spend quite a lot of time together. It's working out really well this way (plus, I can watch silly movies that your daddy doesn't want to watch).

When you first came home, you were still dealing with pretty bad reflux, so I had to wait about 45 minutes after you ate to lay you down. And, seeing as you were wanting to eat about every 2 hours, that gave me exactly one hour of sleep at a time. That system didn't work. Like I said, I like sleep. So, I finally just started propping myself up against the arm of the couch and letting you sleep on my chest. That has worked out really well for both of us, because we both sleep better and you don't reflux all over everything. The only issue I have with that is that it separates your daddy and me, but we both know it's temporary. Your reflux is already a lot better and more manageable, so I expect that it won't be too long before I can sleep in my bed again.

At Candlelight Service

We took you to church for the first time on Dec 18. You were a big hit. Everybody thinks you are just the sweetest thing! I think you enjoyed church and I know I certainly did. I had really missed going. We were planning on not passing you around or letting anybody hold you, because we were afraid of germs, but that plan kind of got changed by Marme. She just loves you so much and we couldn't tell her that she had to wait to hold you. But, it worked out just fine. Our pastor pulled rank on her and took you from her for a while, which was pretty funny (Marme kind of clutched you to her chest and had this pseudo-panicked look on her face), but they worked it out. We also had our Candlelight Service that evening, so it turned out to be a really long day for you. You sat with Daddy during that service and at one point, you made a face so funny that Daddy started laughing. He laughed so hard that he cried. He couldn't sing and he couldn't explain what you'd done. He just laughed and laughed and laughed. Later he said "He looked like Jerry Lewis." (I'll show you a picture of Jerry Lewis sometime so that you know what he meant). You got the hiccups during the service and the pastor shushed everybody so that we could listen to you. Everybody is really excited to have a baby in the church again. You are such a blessing to more than just your parents.


With T - you're gonna love her!

You finally got to meet some wonderful people. You met B&T and their family. You and Asa are going to be great friends, I just know it.

You also met Cousin Brooke. You didn't get to meet the rest of the family, but you will soon. She just loved you and we cannot wait until you and Jude and Joel get to play together. It's going to be so much fun!


With Brooke - one of the best people you'll ever know.

You also met Uncle Joe and Aunt B. They pretty much loved you right away.

Aunt 'Rah made you the hat.

You got your first cold, too. It hasn't been so bad, but you got that nasty eye-booger thing going on. I took you in to the doctor on the 23rd because I wanted to make sure the cold wasn't moving into your chest, and while we were there, he diagnosed you with a hernia. Awesome. He said you would need surgery, and soon. We tried to set up an appointment with the surgeons' group, but they were already closed for the holiday weekend. That weekend was one of the most tense and stressful of my life. You weren't in any pain, but I was so worried that the hernia would cause permanent damage or get so bad that you would be in real trouble. You and I missed Christmas with the family because of your cold and hernia, but Daddy went over and got to spend time with them. Marme and Pop and Uncle Sam came back with him and we had a fun little mini-Christmas with them. It was a fun time, but I still missed the big family get together. Oh well, there's always next year! The next day, your hernia looked so much better, so we went to church and then on to spend time with Grandma and Papa. Papa thinks that you are so handsome and that Daddy and I should have a dozen children just like you. I told him we might. On the 26th, we called the surgeons' group again, but they were still closed. Your hernia was back to looking bad and by 4 that afternoon, it looked so bad that we took you to the emergency room. Thankfully, it wasn't to emergency status just yet, but they showed us what to look for and how to help you. (I never thought I would add "hernia reduction" to my list of abilities....).

We finally got an appointment with a surgeon and you went in for surgery on the 29th. The nurses at the hospital just LOVED you and they kept coming in during surgery prep to have a look at you. Finally, it was time for your surgery. We were so scared for you, but you came through it just fine. Marme and Pop and Pastor came and spent the time with us, which was really wonderful of them. It took you a long time to come out of the anesthesia, but they watched you very closely and you finally were able to breathe on your own. We all spent the night in the hospital, with you hooked up to monitors again, and you reverted to your old NICU ways of setting off the monitors just because you could. The nurses would finally just turn them off for awhile until you would settle down. We came home the next day and ever since have been just trying to get you better. I think you're doing a lot better today. Currently, you are sound asleep on my chest, which is an awfully cozy way to type.

Daddy and I are so blessed to have you. We are completely in love with you and cannot wait to see what you do with your third month (though, we do hope it is more peaceful than the first two!).

Happy Two Month Birthday, Sweet Boy. We love you!

Love,
Daddy and Mama

A Year of Thanks

2012-01-01T06:53:00.000-06:00

One thing I love about November is the trend on Facebook where each day people post one thing for which they are grateful. One thing I hate about November is that this trend stops on Thanksgiving Day. I'm not pointing fingers; I do it too. I just think I can do better, that's all!

I was on Pinterest (which is just TOO much fun!) and saw this. It's a Gratitude Journal. The idea is that you create a little journal and everyday for a whole year write down one thing for which you're thankful. I LOVE this idea! Can you imagine how much happier you would be if you would actively remember your blessings? How much easier the hardships would be if your blessings were always at the front of your mind; if you had a tangible reminder of how good God is to you? I know that my life is always better and more fulfilling when I focus on the good. My hope is that by chronicling my blessings, I draw closer to God and become a better (more Christ-like, happier, more understanding and empathetic to those around me) person.

So, that's one of my goals this year. I am going to create a Gratitude Journal. But, I'm not a crafty person. I never have been. Oh, I long to be, but it just isn't in me. I look at people who do scrapbooking or quilting or embroidery or...and I just marvel at the wonderful works of art they create and the memories they preserve. Me? I can't do it. Maybe it's because there's no set procedure, or maybe it's because I'm a perfectionist, and if I can't get it all done now, there's no sense in trying. Who knows. Bottom line? Crafts are not my thing. I could just buy a notebook and just plain-jane it, but I have a better idea. Notebooks get lost, after all. So, instead of creating a book-journal, I'm going to use my blog. I already have it going, after all, so the perfectionist in me can't procrastinate, right? Each day I'm going to post one Gratitude Post in which I list at least one way in which the Lord has blessed me (it may or may not be it's own post. We'll see how I feel at the time).

Here I go!

January 1, 2012 - Today I am thankful that E&B got to come up and bring in the New Year with us. I have missed them so much and it has been simply wonderful to spend time with them again.

And, just so they're written down and, therefore, somewhat fleshed out, here are my New Year's Resolutions.

1. Daily Bible Study with Paul. (Thanks to M for setting up that group on Facebook!)
2. Daily prayer for my family, friends and church - create a specific prayer list
3. Gratitude Posts - Daily!
4. Be a good Keeper at Home - find a cleaning schedule and create a sanctuary for our family
5. Tell Paul each day how much I love him and how thankful I am for him
6. Daily walks - weather permitting

Viewed with Wonder

2011-11-17T19:10:00.001-06:00

Today was my first day to visit Timothy by myself. Up til today, I'd always gone with Paul or one of the grandparents, and I was a little nervous about how it would go. Would I be able to handle the nursing and the Kangaroo Care with just my two little hands? I'd always had the option of help before. Would I hit one of my emotional lows and need someone to talk me out of it and they not be there? I just didn't know how it would go. But, I'm not nervous anymore.

You see, I haven't been good about reading my Bible these past few weeks. I blame it on recovering from the c-section and being tired and worried. But in reality, I just let those things get in the way. In all my life, this was the time I should have been reading my Bible the most. So, I took my Bible with me so that I could read it during the quiet times.

I got there and changed his diaper and we started nursing and he did so well! After about 20 minutes, he got tired, so we turned on the gavage feeding and, somehow, I managed to get us settled in for Kangaroo Care. He was all snuggled up against me, skin to skin, and I pulled out my Bible and started reading Psalms out loud. And for the 30 minutes that I read aloud, his numbers were great. He didn't desat one time and his heart and respiratory rates stayed right where they should be. He slept while I read, but every time I finished a psalm, he would open one eye and look up at me until I started reading the next. And then he would close his eyes and snuggle back up and sleep.

It was one of the most amazing and wondrous things I have ever witnessed.

Day 4

2011-04-10T09:45:00.001-05:00

Today was good and bad. I was diligent about getting up and getting ready for church, but we left later than we like to. We weren't technically late, buuuuuut.....

I had a hard time with my attitude today. I need to be getting more sleep, because when I don't, all logic and reasoning skills go right out the window and I am reduced to running on emotion. My inner child comes screaming (literally, screaming) to the fore and I wish to do nothing more than indulge in tantrums all day long. I let little things that I can usually rationalize away (like: hating my job well, it's money to pay off debt and get a new car; or: I don't get to spend enough time with Paul well, he's in school and we're working hard to create a better life for ourselves and things will be better and easier in a few years; etc) overwhelm me until I can see only the problem and no solutions. Church usually helps a LOT with this situation, and it certainly did today, but I still felt overwhelmed and cranky for most of the day.

We had a good afternoon at Grandma and Papa's house, just hanging out with the family. B&J came over and it was a lot of fun to play with Lil' J. Getting excited to meet Lil' J#2! It was a good family afternoon. We came home a little earlier than usual, but we wanted to break the not-sleeping cycle. I finished up some chores and Paul did homework. And then, wonder of wonders! I actually got to PRACTICE my HORN! I can't believe it. It felt really good to play and even though I only played for about 25 minutes, it was just a really nice session. I'd forgotten how much I miss really playing. I think I'll make it a regular habit again. And, who knows? Once I find a job with a better schedule, maybe I'll be able to join a community band or orchestra. That would be a lot of fun. :-)

I have an 8 am meeting tomorrow for work. blech. I'm supposing it's all good news and policy updates, but I really do not want to fight 7 am traffic to find out. Oh! I almost forgot! I have applied for a bunch of secretarial jobs at the Community College down here (better hours, better pay, less traffic) and some of them closed on Friday (some next Friday), so I am hoping and praying to begin receiving callbacks tomorrow. Pray for that, please? Our busy schedule is really getting to us both.

Time for bed soon. Planning on getting there on time tonight and really feeling better tomorrow. Happy Sunday!

Day 3

2011-04-09T20:45:00.000-05:00

Not so hot today. I'm just SO exhausted at 5:30! Stupid staying up late for the last two weeks. I think that needs to be a new focus of my study in diligence. I need to be more diligent about getting to bed on time. It will make my morning routine better, it will make my work day better, the potential for fewer migraines is there, and if we go to bed on time, even Paul might feel better!

Soooo, yeah. I went back to sleep this morning and did absolutely nothing! I needed the sleep, tho, so I don't consider it a total loss.

Day 2

2011-04-08T21:00:00.007-05:00

I did partly well and partly not well. Here's the list. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. (Hopefully I can get to bed on time tonight!)

Stayed awake when Paul left, check and kinda not check
Exercised, check
Chores, not a single one!
Bible Study, check
Left for work at 9:00, no. siiiiiiigh
Didn't sit down when I got home, check

Day 1

2011-04-07T21:00:00.000-05:00

God gave me great motivation this morning. I stayed awake and did everything I was supposed to do.

Stayed awake when Paul left, check
Exercised, check
Chores, check
Bible Study, check
Left for work at 9:00, nope, not even close! sigh.
Didn't sit down when I got home, check

I'm feeling really good about this. I've just gotta get better about leaving for work on time!

Back on the Wagon Again

2011-04-06T22:00:00.012-05:00

As you may have noticed, I haven't been posting lately. There's a very good reason behind this, which then morphs into a less good reason and eventually becomes a lion. On the 22nd of March, I developed a migraine. Not uncommon for me; in fact, quite the contrary! Anyway, this migraine lasted for four days, keeping me from work, from play, from chores. Pretty much all I did way lay around and complain. I'm pretty sure Paul was as tired of me being sick as I was! Poor man. Had to do all the chores.

Anyway, long story short, went to the doctor, got a shot, fell asleep, migraine went away, then came back with a vengeance, then went away again. And that pretty much brings us to today! Yeah. It's amazing how missing a few days can take you allllllllll the way back to square one.

I will say that once the migraine went away, I did very well at not putting things off. If something needed doing, I'd do it right then and not wait, but I did NOT do anything at all as regards my morning routine or chores or exercise. It just kept building up. This Monday I was all set to get back on track. I was re-energized from Sunday (man, I LOVE church!), BUT, I had a meeting at work. But then, the meeting go postponed, so then I was back on track. But then I spent an hour and a half (an hour and a half!) playing FrontierVille on FaceBook *hangs head in shame*.

But the Lord gave me a swift poke in the ribs, increased my motivation and I got that distraction out of my life. Ok. Motivated again. But then, I was undiligent about getting to bed on time (for the 5th day in a row) and was too tired (did anybody see my lion? I know I put him somewhere around here....) to stay awake on Tuesday and get things done. siiiiigh.

BUT, I'm back now. I got a lot done today! I'm feeling really good and motivated.

Tomorrow? Walking the dogs and cleaning (like, REALLY cleaning) the kitchen! Plus, Bible study, the normal round of laundry and dishes, AND, since I've ditched the time wasters I'm hoping to have time to practice my horn (like, REALLY practice!). That would be wonderful!

Pray for me, please. I'm really going to need it. Day 1 begins again tomorrow.

Purging

2011-04-04T08:02:00.000-05:00

So, today, I got rid of FarmVille and FrontierVille on Facebook. I had been thinking about doing it for awhile. They were getting overwhelming. I don't know how to explain that any further. It just took so much time! I mean, I guess, I chose to give it the time. I would sit down to play one or the other just for a few minutes and then "I'll start that new book, or maybe practice my horn, or maybe finish that afghan I started 15 years ago" and the next thing I knew it was 2 hours later and I'd done nothing! Absolutely nothing! No reading, no practicing, no crocheting. No anything productive. All my free time just poof! all gone. And wasted. It's not like they are particularly useful games. No skills involved or gained. No lessons learned. No wits matched. No social interaction. Don't get me wrong, they are fun. And if other people play them and love them, there is no condemnation from me. Have fun and enjoy! They were just taking over my world. And they are definite time-wasters. So, in the spirit of diligence and sloth-less-ness, they are gone.

I don't think I'll miss them.

Day 12: "Hang on, World! Here I come!"

2011-03-21T21:30:00.000-05:00

Today I kept to my new schedule! I know, can you believe it?! I was super motivated and did everything I was supposed to do and then got to work and it sucked. It was slow and boring and lame. gah. I need a new job. One where "work" is actually part of the day. sigh.

I waited too long to eat (not my fault, we didn't have enough people to cover the floor until the manager got back, and he didn't get back til after 3. sigh), so I started getting a migraine. It's mostly gone now, and I'm hoping a good night's sleep keeps it away. And then, we had actual customers, but the didn't come in until 6:50, so we didn't get off work until 7:30. I am SO sick of retail! ahhhhhhh.

Did I mention I need a new job? Yeah. I've applied. Just waiting on some phone calls. waiting, waiting.

Anyway, on to the checklist:

Stayed awake when Paul left, check
Exercised, check
Chores, check
Bible Study, check
Left for work at 9:00, nope (still got there at time, tho)
Didn't sit down when I got home, check

Mood: Tired, but motivated. Today (at least outside of the 10 hours I was at "work") was a good and productive day.
Tomorrow's Forecast: More of same, but better!

My New Schedule

2011-03-21T21:00:00.001-05:00

Daily Schedule

Morning
5:30 - 6:00 - Get up, Paul leaves for work
6:00 - 6:20 - Maintaining Chores (dishes, laundry, etc)
6:20 - 6:40 - Exercise
6:40 - 7:00 - Bible Study
7:00 - 8:00 - Daily Chores
8:00 - 9:00 - Get ready for work (if time available, then free time!)
9:00 - LEAVE FOR WORK!

Evening
8:00 - 9:30 - Dinner, Little Chores, Relax
9:30 -10:00 - Get ready for Bed, Read Bible
10:00 - LIGHTS OUT!

Weekly Schedule

Sunday

Yoga Stretches

Dishes

One load of laundry

Monday

Walk Dogs

Bedrooms

Tuesday

Walk Dogs

Bathrooms

Laundry Room

Entry Way

Wednesday

Yoga Stretches

Grocery Shopping

Yard Work

Clean out Cars

Dishes

One load of Laundry

Thursday

Walk Dogs

Kitchen

Friday

Yoga Stretches

Living Room

Hallway

Saturday

Walk Dogs

Update Budget

Garage

Halfway

2011-03-21T20:30:00.000-05:00

Where HAS the time gone? It's hard to believe I'm halfway to my goal. I'm simultaneously relieved that I have more time for improvement and bummed out because I thought I'd be further along with the "ingrainedness" of the habits by now. What can I say? I'm a perfectionist. It ~~may~~ will never be good enough. I just will have to keep getting better.

My sweet cousin emailed me today to tell me that she thinks I'm being too hard on myself. She was very encouraging in reminding me that marriage is a partnership and I shouldn't try to take everything on myself. And she is very right. But I want to make it clear: this new venture into diligence is not due to any lack in my husband, nor is it at his behest. Indeed, he is the best person I know and he is an amazing provider and my best friend. This Search for Diligence is simply because I know that God expects my best out of me. My Best. Not my "I can do this easily and without effort", not my "I kind of got that done". My best. Whether it's at work or in worship or while I'm driving or grocery shopping. God expects me to be my best and do my best and that is what matters. These 21 days are just a way to start being conscious of doing that. To make me think about what I do, but to be better than my human nature. To make sure that I always put Paul and our family first and don't allow little things to slide. I want to be able to teach my children good and life-long habits and that will be easier to do if they are also my habits. This isn't my way of complaining or having a pity party. This is just accountability.

I've been reflecting a lot today. As a teacher, you learn to examine and review and reflect on what you're doing and it's efficacy. You learn to monitor student reactions and input, review this information and use it to be a more effective teacher the next time you approach that lesson (whether it's doing things exactly the same or changing things up a bit). This "monitoring and adjusting" of lesson plans is so integral to being a teacher that, eventually, you learn to do it not only at the end of the lesson or day, but on the fly. You learn to adjust course midstream. I find it an invaluable tool; one that I use every day (and in fact, I might not be able to turn it off!), it seems, so naturally I am applying it to this endeavor.

I have been reflecting on how well I'm doing with being diligent (fair to middling. Not stellar) and if/how I need to change things to be more diligent - or, perhaps, better encourage myself in being diligent. A couple of things have come to mind. I need to revise the current plan and then add to it.

First, the revisions:
I'm taking the alarm clock thing off the list. That's it. No more alarm clock goal. The reason is that it's a pointless goal if I meet the other goal of staying awake after Paul leaves. And it just muddies up the accounting. Also, I'm going to change my post format somewhat. I'll still talk about my day, mood, etc, but at the end I'm going to add a checklist. I like lists. In fact, I might even LOVE lists. So this really is a good thing!

Now, the additions:
I need to start planning out my morning chores. Currently I'm just doing the basics...the maintenance chores, if you will...fold laundry, do the dishes, straighten up the living room. You know, just enough to keep the house habitable. Which, don't get me wrong, is a HUGE step forward for me. It's a great blessing to have all those things done; to not fret about them while I'm at "work" not doing anything. But, more needs to happen. I need to dust. Vacuum. Go through things. I'm going to take a page from my sister and divide the house into sections and do one section each day. If I do just a little bit each day, but do it WELL, it won't be so overwhelming. And, that way, over the course of a week, the whole house is clean. Then, maybe my day off can be devoted to the really BIG projects. Like cleaning out the garage. Or mowing the yard. Or going to the park and having a picnic.

So, step 1, make a daily chore list and (here's the kicker) stick to it. I am still struggling with the "the top of the fridge doesn't need to be washed because nobody can see it" mentality. In reality, though, keeping things like that done isn't hard, doesn't take too much time and is actually healthier. Ya know?

Ok, make a chore chart. check.

Next. While I'm in the process of showing gratitude to the Lord by taking care of the things with which He has blessed us, I also need to be caring for my body and spirit. I need to show my gratitude for my health by maintaining it and improving it. I need to be eating the right things (fewer refined foods, fewer carbs, more protein and fiber) and I need to exercise. I found some low-impact yoga-style exercises (great for my genetically defective knees!) and I want to start doing them 3-4 times per week. I should also be getting fresh air and now is the perfect time for early morning walks. Which, incidentally, will greatly benefit the dogs, who have been neglected of late (though, they are still extremely spoiled!).

Ok, daily chores and daily exercise. check and check. I'm sensing more list making on the horizon!

I also need to be diligent aobut my spiritual growth. Of course we go to church every Sunday and Bible Study every Wednesday, but it's not like those are the only days I'm alive. It's not like Satan only attacks on Sundays and Wednesdays. I need to be studying and memorizing and learning scriptures so that they are on the tip of my tongue and in my heart all the time. So I can call them up when I need them. We read our Bible and pray every night before bed, but I feel like I need to start my day with time with the Lord. I need that time to remember my priorities. I've noticed that when I take the time to read the Bible and meditate upon it and pray, my day is better. It's easier for me to treat people as fellow children of God. My patience is stronger and I'm just nicer. So why is it so easy not to do this?

So, to sum up: daily chores, daily exercise, and daily Bible study and prayer. check, check and check.

Overall, I feel pretty good about this. I'm making progress and feeling more and more peaceful about the world around me. I'm still struggling with my inherent laziness, but I think that will be a lifetime struggle.

Days 10 & 11: "Bi-polar, indeed!"

2011-03-20T21:00:00.001-05:00

Oops. Guess I need to get more diligent about posting every day. Is that irony? So, why didn't I post? Let me 'splain. No. There is too much. Let me sum up.

Saturday was yucky. (mostly) I was just kind of tired and cranky and didn't want to be at work or do anything at all. Diligence took a back seat to the Pity Party of One. But then, I got to go to a baby shower for some sweet friends and the day definitely got better then! Who can maintain a (unreasonable) bad mood when surrounded by little pink, frilly things? No one.

Today was great! Church was just what I needed and it gave me a definite boost in motivation and comfort. No sign of a bad mood anymore.

Mood: feeling great!
Tomorrow's Forecast: the half-way point. Look for reflections and reviews.

Oh, and PS? I shouldn't be sore from just an hour or so of not-that-hard-at-all yardwork.

Day 9: "This is a good day for cookie dough."

2011-03-18T22:20:00.000-05:00

Me: 1, Diligence: Big FAT 0.

But, I was on time to work. wooooo.

Work was boring. blech. I wish tomorrow were Sunday. I need church.

Mood: Defeated. Prayers needed.
Tomorrow's Forecast: No idea.

Day 8: "One Week Down, a Lifetime to Go"

2011-03-17T21:00:00.000-05:00

I caved and wore green today. I normally don't. (Not sure why, but I imagine it's sheer contrariness.)

But, when I was reaching for a non-green shirt, I could hear all the comments I would get about "green" and "pinches" and I knew that I couldn't deal with that. Not today. So, I wore green and avoided any and all comments. Whew!

Now, on to Day 8 and the Weekly Review.

The stats are: Staying awake after Paul leaves for work: 3/7 days
Getting to work on time: 1/7 days
Getting up with my alarm: 4/7 days
"I can do that later": didn't keep track.
Being productive when I get home from work: 3/7 days

Not bad, but I can do better.

Mood: Reflective
Tomorrow's Forecast: It's Friday, so that means we close at 6 instead of 7. Yay for an extra hour of freedom! Also, Happy Birthday to Mom and Sam!

Day 7: " yawn It's my day off."

2011-03-16T21:46:00.000-05:00

Today I slept in til 9:15 and pretty much didn't do anything at all today. No wait. We did do stuff. Actually, now that I think on it, we were surprisingly productive, for having done nothing at home. We went to Home Depot (one of Paul's toy stores...), went to the AT&T store (another of Paul's toy stores), went to Target to get gifts for a friends baby shower, returned some pants to Academy and went to Aldi for grocery shopping. Then, we got invited to B&T's house for dinner before church. It was great fun! Hamburgers, hotdogs and brats. mmmmm.

At church we discussed current events and how Christians are supposed to deal with them. The overall message? God is on His throne, so have faith, pray and don't worry. That's a good message.

So, productive day? yes. Good day off? yes. I like it when those things go together.

Mood: Sleepy and slightly cranky about having to go to work tomorrow. Overall though, I'm content.
Tomorrow's Forecast: I'ma Git-R-Done!

Day 6: "Ehhhhhh"

2011-03-15T21:00:00.006-05:00

This morning was a flop.

Lack of Motivation: 1, Me: 0

I didn't go back to sleep after Paul left, but only just barely. I also didn't unload and reload the dishwasher or fold the laundry. sigh. I didn't even manage to update the budget! In fact, the only thing I managed to do was play FrontierVille (shut up, it's a good game!), update my blog, and wish I had gone back to sleep.

Oh! And I was on time to work. Major victory, huh? Of course, I didn't actually leave on time. I attribute it to Spring Break and a wonderful lack of traffic. SO, major victory, no. Minor triumph, yes. And all I can say is, it's a step in the right direction.

Mood: Still just so happy from Date Night. (sushi and a movie. It was sublime!)
Tomorrow's Forecast: My Day Off - potentially an actual Day OFF (well, minus grocery shopping), due to my new-found diligence. This is an exciting prospect!

Day 5: "But I don't WANNA!"

2011-03-14T21:00:00.000-05:00

Diligently speaking, today was not a good day. I got up EXHAUSTED! Paul left for work and I went to fold the laundry. In the 5 minutes that took, the dogs got into the trash and had it strewn about the living room. It made me irrationally angry. So, I read my Bible and took myself back to bed. I don't know if that's considered sloth or not, but the sleep was much needed and I felt much better after I woke up. I was still late to work. sigh. I may never get there on time. Didn't do chores before bed, either. This is getting very difficult!

Mood: ambivalent
Tomorrow's Forecast: DATE NIGHT!!!!!!!!

Day 4: "Stupid Daylight Saving Time!"

2011-03-13T21:00:00.000-05:00

I want my hour of sleep back, thank you very much! Argh! It was very difficult to get out of bed this morning. We overslept by about a half an hour, but I still managed to load the dishwasher and put in a load of laundry before church. We left for church right on time! (Paul keeps me honest about time frames and deadlines and such). Church was really nice. Elder Royce preached a great sermon on Ephesians 1:3-14. It was very comforting. We had visitors, so that was neat too. I hope they come back! We were going to play Volleyball with the kids, but one of the cement-filled tires that holds the volleyball poles got dropped on a young man's foot, so they had to head to the ER, effectively taking away half our players! We'll try again next Sunday. Volleyball is fun! And, thankfully, his foot was only bruised. Not broken! I am discovering that, with the chores being kept up, I don't fret about Sunday afternoon. I enjoy our time with the family without worrying about all the chores that need to be done. It's a huge relief!

Mood: Tired
Tomorrow's Forecast: Bah! It's Monday.

Day 3: breathes sigh of relief when I see my clean kitchen

2011-03-12T21:00:00.001-06:00

Today was better than yesterday in that I stayed awake and worked on chores - I cleaned the living room, did more dishes, folded the laundry. Nothing spectacular or out of the ordinary. Just those normal, never ending chores. I'm noticing a new-found calm about my house. Or, I guess I should say, a new-found calm regarding my house. Things are done. It won't take very long to pick up the few things that are lying around. It's much easier to clean the house when it's already clean.

Mood: calm
Tomorrow's Forecast: It's church! It's going to be a great day!

Day 2 "Can I start this diligence thing on Monday?"

2011-03-11T21:00:00.004-06:00

This morning did NOT go well. Bah! I was SO tired. So, I went back to bed. No chores, no tidying up, no motivation of any kind. But, on the plus side, even though I didn't get up with my alarm (in my defense, I didn't actually hear it at first - though, I'm not sure it's a valid defense since I wasn't doing what I was supposed to be doing in the first place. But I digress.), I got to work at 9:48. That's a big improvement! Yay! This evening I got home and worked on dishes while Paul made dinner. Then I folded laundry and straighted up whilst we waited for Tiny, the Hamster to get here. (We're watching her while her family's out of town). I was pleased that I didn't waste that time by going online or goofing off. I used my time wisely! Maybe that makes up for going back to be this morning.

Mood: motivated, but tired. This is going to be hard.
Tomorrow's forecast: It's Saturday!!!!!! (that means business at work, woot!)

Day 1 "Let's DO this!"

2011-03-10T21:00:00.000-06:00

Today, I stayed awake after Paul left for work and did the dishes and the laundry and some general tidying up. I was late for work, though. I've gotta work on that. I know it's cuz I'm not crazy about my job, but that doesn't matter They hired me and I agreed to hold myself to their policies. That means being there at 9:45. Not 9:51. sigh. I'll try again tomorrow. I taught a lesson this evening, so it was a pretty long day, but I still managed to come home and do some before bed chores before I got on facebook. :-) Looking forward to tomorrow!

Mood: motivated
Tomorrow's Forecast: it's going to be a great day!

21 Days of Diligence

2011-03-09T17:10:00.001-06:00

On Sunday, my preacher beat me up. He stepped on my toes, kicked me in the shins and bruised my ego. In short, he gave me a much needed kick in the pants. The topic could have had many titles: Diligence vs. Slothfulness; Living Your Life on Purpose (because you were created for a purpose); Stop Being Lazy and Do What You're Supposed to Do. You know, something along those lines.

His text was 5 simple verses we've all heard preached dozens of times - Proverbs 6:6-11

"Go to the ant, thou sluggard; consider her ways, and be wise:
Which having no guide, overseer, or ruler,
Provideth her meat in the summer, and gathereth her food in the harvest.
How long wilt thou sleep, O sluggard? when wilt thou arise out of thy sleep?
Yet a little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to sleep:
So shall thy poverty come as one that travelleth, and thy want as an armed man."

I won't try to reiterate the whole sermon. You can listen to it here (and I highly suggest you do), but here are the main points.

1. We show our gratitude to God for the things He has given us by taking care of those things.

2. God is not pleased with sloth or laziness.

3. Sloth and laziness WILL result in poverty.

4. Sloth affects your physical body - you choose to be lazy and not do anything, then, because you aren't doing anything, you become too tired to do anything and it just keeps spiraling downward. Like when you sleep in too long and you just feel more tired, so you sleep more, but you just feel more tired.

Proverbs 19:15 "Slothfulness casteth into a deep sleep: and an idle soul shall suffer hunger." (notice the "and". These two ideas not only agree, but the second is the result of the first.)

Proverbs 19:24 "A slothful man hideth his hand in his bosom, and will not so much as bring it to his mouth again."

5. You will make excuses to justify your laziness (to yourself and others) and eventually, the excuse will be so outlandish that no one will believe you at all. And then you'll have lost the faith of your family and friends and boss, etc.

Proverbs 22:13 "The slothful man saith, There is a lion without, I shall be slain in the streets."

6. If you are diligent and do what you're supposed to do, you WILL* have enough.

Proverbs 20:13 "Love not sleep, let thou some to poverty: Open thine eyes and thou shalt be satisfied with bread."

Proverbs 12:24 "The hand of the diligent shall bear rule: but the slothful shall be under tribute."

So now, back to me. I have known for awhile now that I have been very slothful when it comes to my job as a keeper at home and wife. Instead, I have been letting myself get consumed and overwhelmed by tmy worldly job - the hours, the driving distance and time, the cranky people, the stretches of mind-numbing boredom - they all add up to give me really lovely excuses about why I am shirking my real responsibilities.

At first it was "I'm just not used to this schedule. I'm too tired for chores right now. I'll do them later."

Then it was "I need to sleep in. I can't operate on [insert # of hours here] of sleep. I won't be any good to anybody. Besides, who does it really affect if the dishes and laundry aren't done? No one but Paul and me. and we're adults. We can manage."

*Side Note: Remember that spiral of lazy-no work-lazy? I think that the hours of boredom - of idleness - at work do contribute to my overall attitude about, and acceptance of, sloth. When you spend the majority of your day being idle - not working or accomplishing anything or being productive - it sucks out your energy and just perpetuates that cycle, even after you get home and have the chance to do work. God created us to work. When we don't, things (physical, mental, emotional) get bad.

Then it morphed into "I know I should do this, but I just don't want to."

And now it's....not even a question. I do chores when I HAVE to. I sleep in as much as possible and when I get home from work, I sit on the couch until bed time. No excuses needed.

See the selfishness? The pride? The ME? I should have been thanking God for all His many blessings. I should have been thanking my husband for being such a great provider. I should have been doing what the Lord created me to do. Instead, I pushed aside the guild and made myself the most important thing. Maybe I could have avoided adding 'hypocrite' to the list if I had been honest about what I was doing. If I had just looked at Paul and said "I'm sorry. I'm more important than you or your comfort. I'll meet my desires, and if I have energy left, of if it becomes a real necessity, then I'll do stuff for you." Instead, I tried to make myself feel better about not being a good helpmeet by complaining about not being a good helpmeet.
"it's my job - I just don't have time to vacuum more than once a year."
"I know I should get this done, but I'm just so tired!"
"I should take better care of you. I'm sorry I'm such a horrible wife!"
And, amazing man that he is, he never once condemned me for not doing my job. He just kept on lving me and sacrificing for me and telling me how wonderful I am. Truly the epitome of the Ephesians 5 husband!

And so all of this laziness and hypocrisy and guilt just kept building up and I felt depressed and out of control and WHATDOIDO?

And then came Sunday. The Kick in the Pants. My "aha!" Moment. My "Duh! How did I possibly not know this?!". Call it what you want, it happened. I feel SO much better! I now have a goal and a purpose. I am resolved to be diligent and not slothful. To be grateful to God for what He's given me. To show my gratitude by taking care of things and fulfilling the responsibilities He's set upon me. I am going to cultivate good habits now so that I can pass them on to my children (and so I don't feel like a fraud when I insist they get busy and do their chores). I am going to be ACTIVE. To paraphrase, I'm going to happen to life, rather than let life happen to me. I am going to live on purpose, for the purpose for which I was created.

So, what will my new-found diligence entail? Well, for one thing, it takes 21 days to form a good habit (and about 21 seconds to break it), so that's my first mini-goal. See what I look like in 21 days, reassess and keep working at it. Secondly, there are some slothful habits I have now that I need to identify, target and destroy. I need to be aware when I'm falling back into them and make a concerted effort to replace them with better habits.

They are (in no particular order):

going back to bed after Paul leaves for work (but, I'm so sleeeeeepy!)
being late for work (it takes more than 20 minutes to drive 25 miles)
not getting up with my alarm (possibly contributes to the being late?)
"I can do that later" (I can, but I won't)
sitting down on the couch as soon as I get home (I'll just rest for a bit)

I'm sure there are more, but I think this is enough for now. The point of this is to change my life, not get mired down in how sinful and depraved I am.

Instead, I will:

Stay awake after he leaves and find SOMETHING to do around the house.
Leave for work at 9:00. This gives me 45 minutes to get there.
Negated by the first one. If I get up with Paul's alarm, I don't have to set my own!
"I will do it now. It won't take that long and then I don't have to do it later."
I will put my stuff away and then find chores to do. Dishwasher, laundry, etc.

And, on that note, I guess this post is coming to an end. I have my goals and am eager to implement them. I know it won't be easy, but by the grace of God, I will be a better person. And maybe one day, I'll be the person God created me to be. I'm going to do daily updates about my progress. Hopefully, by being able to see my progress, it will encourage me to keep trying. Pray for me!

And hold on to your seats. We're about to get very sequiturous in here!

A Tough, but Right, Call

2011-03-02T11:47:00.053-06:00

Let me just start by saying that I find Westboro Baptist to be reprehensible, hateful, ugly, horrid, disgusting, evil (and every other word along these lines), and completely unChristian. I do not condone a single thing they have to say or any of their beliefs.

BUT.

The Supreme Court made the right decision. They protected free speech, and, unfortunately, that doesn't mean just protecting the nice speech. These people call themselves a church. A church. If the Supreme Court had ruled against them, that would have opened the floodgates to start taking away the free speech rights of legitimate churches. Pastors would either be afraid of preaching the truth or would find themselves labeled as criminals simply for preaching their beliefs. It would be wrong to punish all churches for the inconceivably detestable actions of one.

So, support the Supreme Court because, in this at least, they made the right decision. And then condemn Westboro Baptist. Don't be hateful to them, because that's just playing by their rules. I think the best thing we can do is pray for them to change their beliefs and then ignore them. They want attention. They want the media to display their banners and allow them to rant and rave their psychotic ideas. They want you to listen to them. They are trying to convert people. Don't give them that!

Proverbs 14:7 Go from the presence of a foolish man, when thou perceivest not in him the lips of knowledge.

Ignore them! No media coverage. No reaction. I heard one talk show host say that he was willing to grant them air time to keep them away from an upcoming funeral. Apparently, they will sign a contract that they will stay away from individual funerals (not all funerals) if they are given airtime. It's a nice sentiment on his part; trying to protect the family from all that hate, but ultimately, it just gives in to blackmail. Don't give them airtime. Don't give them the opportunity to spread their filthy lies. Don't give them the chance to sway others to their cause. You can't debate them because they are so convinced that they will never be turned (only God can do that) and you'll just end up looking like a fool.
The irony of this whole situation is that the soldiers they are condemning are fighting, in part, to protect their right to say these horrid things! I respect our soldiers so much for their ability to continue fighting even in the face of such ingratitude. I don't know that I could.

And this is all the attention I will give Westboro Baptist. They don't deserve any further recognition. In fact, I only started this post to support the Supreme Court. It was a tough decision.

Proverbs 23:9 Speak not in the ears of a fool: for he will despise the wisdom of thy words.

Proverbs 26:4 Answer not a fool according to his folly, lest thou also be like unto him.

Taco Bell Delivers?!

2010-03-04T22:16:00.104-06:00

Bong, bong, bong, bong...The Westminster Chime of the doorbell reverberated throughout the house, imperiously beckoning me to do it's bidding.

"Hang on, McD. I have to answer the door."

I pulled myself off the couch and with no small amount of trepidation, headed for the front hallway. I didn't want to answer the door. Experience had taught me that it was usually a salesman and usually one for the rival utility company; one intent on "saving me money" if he could just "have a few moments of my time", because did I know that EnergyRUs has the highest rates around?! and didn't I think it was time to change? Well, it never ended up being a few moments and I never saved any money. And for that matter, after doing my research, all their rates are quite comparable. Paul was in class, so I was home alone and experience had also taught me that the dreaded salespeople left much more quickly when he answered the door. But, despite several post-salesman pep talks to the effect of "next time I'll just ignore the doorbell", I had never convinced myself to do so. Always in the back of my mind was the niggling thought that this time, it might be someone I know with a legitimate emergency.

So, here I was. Walking to the front door, trying furiously to come up with the most effective, yet nicest (after all, I didn't want them thinking of me as a total jerk), brush off. No thank you, we're not interested in energy. We make our own out of human hair and dog poo. Or what about: c-c-c-cable? What is this of which you are speaking? Or maybe a nice simple No habla Ingles. Or better yet Ich spreche kein Englisch because the chances of them speaking Spanish are far greater than of them speaking German.

Thus, armed with several, if I do say so myself, excellent brush-off lines, I reached my front door. I threw back the deadbolt and pulled open a protesting door (the doorbell may have been eager to be acknowledged, but the door itself was quite content just being there).

The sight that greeted me was so startling and unexpected that all my carefully crafted responses flew out of my head, leaving just one coherent sentence ricocheting through my brain. Taco Bell delivers?

Standing in front of me on the other side of the glass screen door was a young man, probably in his mid-teens. The word 'punk' might be an appropriate descriptor, but I am not an 85 year old man with a cane and a lawn to protect. He had on skinny jeans, big shoes, and one of those black hoodies with neon symbols all over it. His hair was all emo-ed out, covering his entire face in a very I-wanted-to-look-anime-but-I-didn't-have-enough-mousse-to-make-it-actually-stand-up sort of way.

"May I help you?"
"Uh, yeah, uh, could I like, uh, come in for a few minutes? See there's this cop following me and, uh, I have, uh, like, some weed, and I just thought......."

He trailed off awkwardly and I just stared at him as I tried to process what I'd just heard. "Cop" "Weed" and "Come in" rattled around in my brain. Wait. What?! He wants to come in to my house?! To hide from the cops?! He kept looking around nervously, very much on edge and as I finally figured out what he was saying, he lifted his hand toward the screen door as if to open it. That woke me up and I summoned my best teacher voice.

"No, you may not come in. You're on your own. You're going to have to live with the consequences."
"But, just for a...."
"No."

He looked at me a second longer and then hung his head and hitched up his pants and he turned to shuffle away in his too-big shoes. I resisted the urge to throw the words "punk" or "hooligan" or "get off my lawn" at his retreating figure (hmmm maybe I am more like an 85 year old man with a cane than I know) as I shut and dead-bolted the door and put the phone back to my ear.

"McD? You are never going to believe this...."

I hope my house doesn't get TPed.

Identity Crisis

2009-11-12T15:56:00.002-06:00

Today I went to the library to retrieve a book I had on hold. I went all the way through the 'S's before I remembered that my last name no longer begins with 'S'. It begins with 'L' now.

And so, it was with great trepidation that I turned to make my way towards that section of the alphabet which I'd never before dared to seek out. I just knew that someone would halt my journey. Stop! They'd say. You don't belong at the middle-to-the-front of the alphabet. Go back to the end, where you belong!

But, they didn't and I made it to the middle of the alphabet unharmed.

It was then that I realized that I have no idea exactly where 'L' resides in the alphabet. I found 'M'. Then 'H'. Then 'J'. Then 'N'. Then I had to sing the Alphabet song.

I got my book, though. Finally.

An Anecdote to make up for the neglect

2009-09-02T15:02:00.001-05:00

The dogs have decided to punish us for leaving them everyday. Diesel likes to sleep on our bed during the day, so we had been putting a suitcase across the door...well, a big scary thunderstorm came through during the middle of the night back in July and she learned that she was perfectly capable of jumping it. So, we had to change the bedding the next day cuz she got it all hairy. So, then we decided to take TWO suitcases, stand them up the tall way and barricade it that way. (oh, side note. We didn't want to close the door because the room would get too hot, especially at night.) But then Diesel figured out that she could push the lighter suitcase out of the way and just come on in! So, we had to change the sheets again. We got frustrated and decided to just close the door. But it was SO hot!!! So then last week, I remembered Diesel's metal crate. I hadn't put it together yet, so we took one of the walls and put it on the inside of the door and wedged it between the door and a suitcase and voila! it worked. It was too high for her to jump and we didn't have to change laundry!!! woohoo. Thursday was the day that the punishments started. I had filled a garbage bag full of grocery bags and set it in the entry way to take back to Kroger to recycle. I got home on Thursday to a battlefield. Dogs: 1, bags: 0. The carnage was horrible to behold. Poor, shredded bags strewn throughout the house. No bag was left untouched. The were ALL over the living room. sigh. so we cleaned them up and went to dinner at Brooke and Jon's house, planning to start walking the dogs more and playing with them more. While we were gone, another super-scary thunderstorm came through. Diesel decided to brave the high fence and slept on our bed. I was so mad! Paul coaxed her back over it, but she really had to think about it, so you know that she was scared when she first decided to jump it. So we decided that we were safe; she just jumped it cuz she was scared and she wouldn't do it again. We changed the sheets and went to bed. The next day we got home and had to change the sheets again. Stupid dog. She definitely likes her creature comforts. Thursday night they decided to get into the trash can. Duchess is not tall enough to reach her head inside, but Diesel is! They didn't knock the trash can over. They merely reached in, selected the discarded bacon bag and went to town! That wasn't enough, so they also grabbed a few other yummy-smelling bags, but eventually got tired from all their fun and went to sleep. We planned to walk them when we got home from the church meeting. So we got home and it was late and Paul had to wake up early. So we planned to walk them Saturday. That night, I innocently left my purse on the coffee table, with an unsuspecting Snicker's Nutrition bar safely nestled therein. The poor thing didn't know what hit it. It never had a chance! They also kidnapped 2 clementine oranges from my purse and knocked them around a bit. They were bruised but not broken. A sock of Paul's also fell prey to their reign of terror. We found only remnants. The scene that morning was a bit like something out of a movie where the kids have partied while mom and dad are away and just fell asleep in all the pizza boxes and beer cans. They woke up enough from their stupor to half-heartedly wag tails and then were out again. As soon as Paul left for work, I got dressed and took the dogs for a very brisk walk around the neighborhood. I was practically dragging them behind me by the time I got home. I made them sit and looked at them before we came back in the house. Their faces said "please stop now! No mischief today. We promise!" Thankfully, they kept that promise. No inanimate objects had to fear that it was their day to meet their maker. I was secure in the knowledge that the trash would remain firmly within the trashcan and that no more laundry would go missing. We still have to close our door during the day, though. The siren call of the bed is just too strong for Diesel to resist.

pardon me a moment while I get this off my chest

2009-02-04T17:38:00.002-06:00

aslrht;ao wirtgaw;eklsnfas;lkdgf'qt30 BH6;Lksjfalsgva;lsgjtQ
"Rwlga;lskdjv'apofuga;wleksgjas;djv a;psiougotwqw;ljz/sdf
lasht ;aeiu;ah;aslka;lskjfa;si UJ QETQO ASKGNASLKTU;AWOU4TA lskgfa ;kga;osietu acjhytut8309 lkaj fglksdj;ahgf;oaw9tapwu9t;aow

a;ht a;owei4tua;woitashf ;asogtaoit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THERE! I feel better.

naptime, flutes and old age

2008-12-09T22:06:00.003-06:00

Today was the day of Randomness. Although, pretty much any day spent with Middle Schoolers is the day of Randomness. and Drama. The day of Randomness and Drama. and the Jonas Brothers. and Twilight. and, did I mention Randomness?

Today was the day of Randomness and Drama and the Jonas Brothers and Twilight. But especially, it was the day of Randomness. Even in context, the events of the day were Random. Two of the three events happened during Intermediate Band (7th/8th graders: not as spacey as 6th graders, but definitely weirder).

Intermediate Band Preface: Some kids in this group are actually in my Advanced Band as well. They decided they wanted to learn a new instrument and so joined this band. I now *get* to see them 2 hours EVERY day.

Random Conversation:

Me: I'm tired today, you guys.
Trumpet Player (boy)(also a percussionist): Miss, I think we should have a time after lunch but before 5th period where we have naptime. Just a half an hour.
Various students: yeah! *insert random babble of agreement here*
Trumpet Player (abbreviated TP .....hnh.): We could finish lunch and then go to a teacher's room and have nap time.
Clarinet Player (girl): We could go to whatever teacher we wanted!
Me: No, you would have to be assigned teachers.
CP: why? How would they do that?
Me: Well, it would be like a class. All the evil kids would go to the mean teachers and then everybody would have their own cubby with a pillow and a mat and we'd have nap time.
Flute Player (boy) (also a percussionist): Like Kindergarten!
*more random babble inserted here*
Me: Or! Even better. It could be one of your electives. You know: Go to Math, PE, Naptime, then off to Band.
TP: What if it were required? That would be great! One hour of naptime every day.
FP: Miss, if NapTime were a required class, everybody would pass for sure. Except those people with Restless Leg Syndrome or something.

Random Event:
I was working with the trumpet players on the intro to Rudolph the (Infernal-Sheesh!-Get-Puffs-Plus-Lotion-and-Aloe,-Already) Red-Nosed Reindeer when a commotion in the flute section caught my attention. I turned to them and noticed that one of my genius Flautists (not the same as above - also a trumpet player) had somehow managed to get his middle finger STUCK in the foot joint of his flute. There were and are NO words for this.

A Less Random (though no less terrifying) Event:
Today in the shower, I discovered this:
That's right: a hair. *gasp!*. But no, look closer. It is a very, very, VERY lightly colored hair. Light blond, perhaps? Some might dare to suggest.... white?! WHAT'S THE DEAL HERE?! I'm only 25!

I'm not going to panic, though. I'm sticking with the "Light Blond" story.

And, no. I did NOT save the hair.

At least, not after I took the photo.

Consonants equal meaning

2008-11-15T00:20:00.002-06:00

For Sarah:

A: 'ommy, 'Isha 'ick me.
Sarah: 'Lisha, don't lick your brother.
A: No, 'ommy. 'ick, 'ICK.
Sarah: 'Lisha, don't kick your brother.

Sarah later: I should have guessed kick first because alphabetically it comes first.

At Dinner:
Me: A, what do you want on your cornbread?
A: 'utter and 'rape jelly.
Me: Uh, ok.....

They're really very good kids

2008-11-03T22:13:00.002-06:00

So, today in Advanced Band, I had an interesting little....well, I'm not sure what you'd call it. Conversation, maybe?

Anyway. It happened as follows:

They were being talkative and ignoring me and I when I finally got them quiet (by staring at the clock and counting how many seconds it took them to settle down - 45, to be precise - and then charging them an additional 45 seconds of silence for wasting my time), I tried explaining to them why it's so disruptive and annoying when they talk the minute we stop playing. I tried all the usual arguments:

- when we stop, it's my turn to talk so that we can fix things.
- if they talk, it wastes time; time we don't have.
- it's rude

And I saw that they already knew that stuff, and realized they were doing something wrong, but they were kind of tired of hearing my usual (about once a week) rant. So I decided to switch gears on them and make it a bit more personal.

I said "Guys, please! We have 5 weeks til our concert. I would really like to not get stressed out until after Thanksgiving! I don't know if you've noticed, by my acne is really starting to clear up. I'm so tired of having acne. I'm too old for it! That's your domain (they chuckle). But it's going away right now and I'm SO happy. Stress brings it back though, so please. Let me live acne free for the next four weeks?"

And then they jumped in:

"Miss, have you tried...."
"Miss why don't you use....?"
"Miss, at Walmart they have this thing.....?

And I realized that they really are very good kids. They are caring and very genuine. And I love them for that.

I just don't want them to talk.

Nothing to say

2008-10-29T23:13:00.002-05:00

Isn't that new? But for once, I am at a loss as to what to post. So, here are some minor updates.

- Went to visit Red for Fall Break. We got to hang out together for 9 wonderful days. Pictures will be posted later.

- Had two parades last week. Jazz Band played. We were on a trailer. They went well, but I still managed to learn a thing or two.

Notes for future parades:
*Locate a generator BEFORE the week of the parade
*Don't rely on Middle Schoolers to take the information home. Also don't rely on emails, letters sent home or phone calls. Try carrier pigeons.
*If you have to dress up as superheros, insist that they MAKE THEIR COSTUMES! (seriously! Who spends $60 on a costume?)

- Had 1st quarter Parent/Teacher conferences. I hate Parent/Teacher conferences. It's awful. I'm not sure they're actually effective. I mean, they work at first, but then everybody just falls back into hold habits. sigh. I was in heels for 14 hours that day. What was I THINKING?!

- uh. I keep waking up at 4:30 for no apparent reason. Why can't I sleep? Why?

- I added a poll to my blog. You should check it out. I don't know why I decided to. Thought it might be fun, I guess. Or I'm lonely. Probably both.

And.....that's it. See, I told you! Nothing to say. But, seeing as I'm the Queen, I had to make an attempt. Maybe the next one will be better.

Warning: Trick-or-Treaters: Stay away. I do not have candy for you. Bah. Humbug.

Teacher Rights?

2008-10-07T21:35:00.003-05:00

I've had it put to me that a teacher is the person with the fewest rights. Teachers are not allowed to express their own opinions, but rather are only allowed to say and teach what is in the text/curriculum. This is not, however, entirely true. Teachers are allowed to talk about what they believe. They are allowed to express opinions. They just aren't allowed to require that the students agree with them or learn that information for a test or grade. If a student asks a teacher a question about his beliefs, the teacher has the right to answer it (or not answer it).

I think that this is, actually, a good thing. Teachers have an enormous amount of influence over their students. Elementary teachers see their students for 7 hours a day, and it is not uncommon for a youngster to disregard mom and dad's knowledge because "my teacher told me...". Once students hit the secondary levels, teachers become less cool, but they still hold influence because students are a captive audience. They have to listen. And, in a lot of cases, they may actually like their teachers, which gives them the desire to listen. (and, let's face it. Anyone is cooler than mom and dad). I think it is important, then, that teachers are careful to only teach fact as fact (let's not get into the creation/evolution argument right now, ok? cough cough: both are religions! cough cough) and opinion as opinion, making sure to stress that people are allowed to have their own opinions.

As a teacher, I am always aware that I have different morals and convictions than do the parents of my students, and as I am not the parent of those students, I do not have the right nor obligation to pass those morals on to them. As a future parent, I would be madder than all get-out if a teacher tried to usurp my role as parent and tell my child that they believed incorrectly.

All that being said, I had a very hard time keeping my mouth shut today. A couple of my students were talking as I was repairing an instrument. I didn't hear the whole thing, but I tuned in when a student said
"I think they should be allowed to have abortions. After all, they're not even alive yet!"
Other students jumped in and disagreed. Comments like "no, that's murder!" and "that's not right" got all jumbled up in their eagerness to have their opinions heard. One student even remarked "what if you'd been aborted?" And I wanted to join in with them. I had an almost overwhelming urge to take this kid by the shoulders, look him square in the eye and talk to him until I had convinced him of the error of his ways. My first thought was horror. How can a parent allow their child - their precious, wonderful gift from God - to believe it would have been ok if they had decided to murder him? My second thought was the practical me telling myself to keep my mouth shut because they hadn't asked my opinion, he was already outnumbered, he is allowed to believe what he wants to believe and I am not allowed to force my beliefs on a student. My third thought was but I've got influence. I could say just a few things and maybe get him to thinking. My fourth mirrored the second and I just kept vascillating between the two.

Ultimately I kept my mouth shut. I let the conversation continue for maybe 3 minutes all told before I just quietly said "We need to end this conversation. Please understand that you are allowed to believe what you want to, and you don't always have to agree. If you want to have a conversation about this, you need to go in with the attitude of learning about the other person's opinion rather than trying to convince them they're wrong. And you need to do it on your own time."

I didn't add any of my opinions. Not a single one. But I really wanted to. I wanted to look at him and just cry. How can parents allow their children to think murder is ok? How can a person say "I have a right to do what I want with my body" in order to justify murdering another human being? Don't they understand that the instant that life comes into being, their decisions about "their body" affect another person? How do people justify these things to themselves? How do they sleep at night knowing that murders are being committed and it's 100% legal? How?

How?

Warning: Politics ahead

2008-10-02T20:22:00.003-05:00

Why is it ok to punish people for doing a good job? When did this society get to the point that we have to PULL down those who excel so that we all can live in a world of mediocrity. It's this attitude that it isn't FAIR for someone to do well if I can't do JUST as well as they. I have a real problem with this.

We should NOT be punishing the "very wealthy" by raising their taxes simply because they make more money. Why is this a good idea? Don't you understand that if we continue to punish people for doing a good job they will simply stop doing it? NOBODY wants to have their efforts support someone else without their say-so. I would be furious if someone told me that because I have a good job and am a hard-working citizen I have to give half my paycheck to support someone on welfare who does not have a job. I am WORKING for my paycheck. I am WORKING to support myself. People on welfare are also able to WORK and SUPPORT themselves, but it is my opinion that most of them choose not to do so, because they know the government will support them.

And really, that's a brilliant plan! Who in their right mind wants to do more work than they have to? I would love to be able to sit at home all day and have no worries and be able to afford whatever I want. I would LOVE to not have to work. But I have more pride than that. I take pride in my God given abilities TO work and I will NEVER have it said that the government had to step in and care for me. Where is your personal pride? We are forever teaching our children about "self-esteem" and "being whatever you want", but at the same time, we cripple them with this "everybody gets a trophy for playing" schlock. I'm sorry, socialists, but everybody DOES NOT get a trophy for playing. In real life, sometimes you win and sometimes you lose. But just because you lose, doesn't mean that you are allowed to punish the winner. No, to borrow an old cliche, you need to get back on the horse and ride again.

The very wealthy are working to support themselves. They have earned this money and they should NOT be punished for enjoying a life of ease. Don't you understand that if you continue taking their money, they will stop making it? The very wealthy put a lot into our economy (and please, let's not get into the ethics of how they make their money or use it. That's not what this is about and it is NOT our job to police them. That's the police's job. Let them do their job, but do not use a possible ethics problem as a right to take money away from ALL the very wealthy) and without their money and contributions, our society could not continue as it has. Read "Atlas Shrugged". Ayn Rand paints a very bleak, and yet, I think, very possible future should we continue on this road of punishing someone for what he has simply because "I have not".

I don't know where or when this attitude of total selflishness came into being, but I am disgusted and embarrassed by it's prevalence amongst the American people. You are NOT entitled to wealth. You are NOT entitled to have what I have, just as I am not entitled to have what you have. If you work hard and get more than me, congratulations! I'm very happy for you! If I work hard and don't get more than you, don't pity me. Chances are I am very happy with my decisions, and if I'm not happy, I (I) will take steps to change it. I am NOT your responsibility and you are NOT mine. The constitution says that every person has the Right to Life, Liberty and the PURSUIT of happiness. It doesn't say that each person has the right to wealth, nor the right to what everybody else has.

To the wealthy people I say, congratulations. I'm so happy that you are living the American Dream. I'm so happy that you have worked hard and earned to much. Please continue to do so. Do NOT, however, feel that you are obligated to help anyone if you do not wish to. It is the Christian thing to do to give to the poor, and I feel strongly that you should, but NOWHERE in the Bible does it say that you are required to give to the poor, nor does it say you should feel guilty for what you have, NOR does it say that if you do choose to give that you are required to give everything. That helps nobody.

To quote my favorite fictional character "Your life is your own; rise up and live it."

SBVD

2008-09-18T20:18:00.005-05:00

Today a kid ripped one off in the middle of beginning band. Apparently it was SBVD. It was like a giant, silent explosion. As if a bomb hit smack in the middle of the band; students went flying away from the radius, holding their noses and gagging and laughing at the same time, whilst the culprit sat in the center, with watery eyes and a proud grin on his face. And that got me to thinking. Do I write him up for it? He did say "excuse me", but it is undesirable behavior. Do I call mom? Can you imagine that conversation?

Me: Hi, Mrs. Mom of Farting Student. I'm calling because your son farted ("cut the cheese" would probably not be appropriate in this case...) during class today.
Mom: uhh...
Me: yeah, do you think you could modify his diet so it doesn't happen again? Also, please punish him at home for it.

yeah, I'm not sure it would fly.

Sometimes I get tired of discipline, so I ignore stupid things so I don't have to deal with it.

Also, sometimes it is REALLY hard to keep a straight face. I mean, I find farts funny too. Why can't I laugh? Oh right, cuz I'm the adult or something. Which means, kids aren't allowed to know I find it funny. But trust me, I DID keep a straight face. Although I think that if I didn't have amazing control over my facial muscles from playing horn for the last 14 years, I would have failed.

Does that make me a bad teacher?

Taller = Waaaay Older?

2008-09-18T00:06:00.001-05:00

So, today I changed the background on my work computer from this:
To This:
One of my students saw it and the following DAY long circus took place. (Either I am waaaaay to nice or they are waaaaay too bored, but they are waaaaay to interested in my personal life).

Student: "Miss, is that your Dad?" (apparently, they are still at the age where height=age. hence the title.)
Me: No, that's my fiance.
Student: Dang! he's tall!
Students (yes, plural): who? let me see! what are you talking about? DANG Miss! He's TALL!!!
Me: Yeah, but keep in mind, I'm fairly short.
Different Student: Miss, when you kiss at your wedding, is he going to have to pick you up or something?
Me: thinking - I don't want to have this conversation! No. Come on, guys, think! I'll be wearing heels, and stand on my tiptoes and he'll lean down a bit. We'll be fine.
Student: why don't you just stand on a box?
Me: I AM NOT standing on a box at my wedding!

Which of course then sparked the usual round of "whens and wheres and can we play at its" - I've gotten very good at sidestepping these, by the way. And apparently, the Jazz Band then went and shared the above info because as every class after them walked in, they craned their necks to see if they could see the picture on my desktop and see how FREAKISHLY (sorry Red!) tall he is compared to me, because they are, after all, middle schoolers and nobody wants to be a leader and actually ASK to see the picture, but they all want to see it, so they get neck injuries and stub their toes as they walk past until SOMEONE (anyone?) is brave enough to actually ask to see the picture and then they all gather around like vultures descending on some hapless, dehydrated rabbit.

Is it possible to have writers’ block for what is essentially a journal entry? Just curious.

2008-07-17T21:42:00.003-05:00

This summer certainly has held a variety of experiences and emotions. All year I've looked forward to this summer simply in anticipation of the 8th graders leaving. On May 21st, that dream was realized. And on May 23rd, the wonder of a Summer Without A Job or Anything Else on My Agenda began. Or so I thought. That following weekend was wondrous. I slept in, had no stress and felt no guilt about ordering a pizza and renting movies and staying up late.
By May 27th, I was bored out of my skull. There is only so much TV to watch (and, let's face it: summer TV sucks) and are only so many naps to take before you begin cleaning the kitchen to avoid going stark raving mad. And by the 28th, my kitchen was SPARKLING. Thankfully, the next 3 days were occupied with a music teacher conference at which I reconnected with some old friends and added some tools to my teaching bag. The next week followed a similar pattern; bored stiff through Tuesday, but rescued by curriculum planning W,T,F (On closer examination, the abbreviations of those days may be more appropriate than I thought!).

And then? Joy of Joys! It was June 7th and I got on a plane for Texas. That evening, after meeting Red's family (which is cool, despite all the hugging :-D), we had our first date. We saw Kung Fu Panda. I highly recommend it. Sunday was church and then we headed out for Harmony Hills Singing School. It was a week of living in a tent in high humidity and astonishing heat; a week of raw throats from singing and high spirits from the companionship; all in all, a great week. Red and I took Wednesday off and went and wondered downtown Ft. Worth. It was fun. Nothing spectacular, but quietly enjoyable. Friday was the culminating concert and we headed back to his grandparents' house for the rest of the weekend. Saturday evening we had our second date and went to a Ft. Worth Symphony Orchestra concert at the Botanical Gardens. It was, of course, hot and humid, but it was so much fun! They played an (almost) all Russian concert (the almost part took the form of a 17 year old playing Totentanz by Liszt), capped off with the 1812 Overture complete with Fireworks. It was (not to put too fine a point on it) a perfect evening. Sunday was church again and of course somewhat bittersweet. Truth be told, it was more bitter than sweet. And Monday he drove me to the airport and I flew home. It was the saddest flight ever.

The next two weeks found me at loose ends again. Susan, et al., came in to town and we got to hang out a bit. On Saturday the 28th, I cleaned my house top to bottom. It looked good! I got to babysit LG that evening and as I was waiting for them to arrive, I sat in the recliner and talked to Red. And then I noticed a ginormous spider on the ceiling. It was MASSIVE. (ok, in retrospect, it wasn't THAT big, but it was large and I'm sure it had devious plans in mind.) I think he was in cahoots with George and Jean-Pierre. Unlikely, you say? Well think about it. I know it's been two years since my last contact with those fine foreign fellows, but it's not inconceivable that it simply takes two years for word to travel half-way across the world via the World Wide Insect-Web. Needless to say, I did not take the time to have a conversation with the spider (hereafter known as The Enemy) to find out his nefarious plans. (It should be pointed out that Red urged me to attack him myself, but I wisely declined. Not out of fear but rather the knowledge that something that large could very easily take the broom from me and turn it on me. And I was not willing to risk THAT!) Instead I waited until Susan got there and had BG attack The Enemy with the broom. He swiped at it and The Enemy dropped down to the ground and scurried into the hall closet. EEP!
I never did see him come out, but I could feel the hate and malice radiating out from the closet all evening.
The next day, I turned on the swamp cooler and out he jumped! It was freaky. It was almost like he just appeared, like magic. Or a transporter. Beam me up, Scotty.
Unfortunately, I was the only one there and there were no more brothers-in-law scheduled to show up. So, I screwed my courage to the sticking place and, armed with a broom and Raid, waged war on the Eight Legged Menace. I stabbed him with the broom and he tried to pull his "Fall and Run" maneuver, but I was too quick. As he hit the top of the bookshelf, BAM! another blow of the broom rained down on him, severing two of his white and black and yellow banded legs. He fell to the floor and tried frantically to hobble his way to the safety of the hall closet, but, like white on rice, I was there, cutting him off at every turn. Down came the broom once more and then came a veritable shower of Raid. He curled into a small, six-legged, defensive ball, trying to feebly ward off the Shower of Death. And slowly, his muscles relaxed and he breathed in the toxins and he died. At least, he looked like he died. But spiders are tricky, so I did not trust the apparent termination of my foe. I sprayed once again for good measure and brought the terrible and mighty fury of my broom to full bear once again. And then I left him there; a small, impotent mash of legs and squashed innards. And I didn't look back. My eyes blazed with triumph. My body hummed with adrenaline and the thrill of war. I was victorious.

To any in the insect world who happen to be reading this: Let this be a warning to you.

The Return of Grace

2008-05-22T17:19:00.002-05:00

You may recall that some of you first met Grace about two years ago and then again last year and then again again last year. And all was quiet, and I guess I got comfortable and let my guard down because apparently Grace somehow managed to escape again. Thank goodness she didn't get out last weekend when the whole family was here! I think she escaped sometime early Tuesday morning and since then has created an avalanche of chaos and clumsiness, turning my orderly, predictable and somewhat OCD world completely upside down.

Monday night, I went and bought candy to give out as prizes for the top students in my classes.

Tuesday morning, I carried the candy into work (they were big combo bags of different types of candy), opened the bags and dumped the individual pieces of candy into a giant paper bag. The students earned the candy and all was good. I left the remainder in the bag on the floor in my office.

Wednesday afternoon, after giving out more candy, I reached into the bag myself and was promptly attacked by a GIANT swarm of ants - all red, though some were big and some were little. I quickly dumped the bag into my workroom sink and washed away the ants (although I will say I was quite impressed with the resiliency of those little buggers! They fought well!). As I and McD were drying up the candy we discovered little holes in several of the wrappers. It was so unexpected! I mean, I really didn't think they'd find the candy that quickly.

So, as of Wednesday afternoon I had 6-8 ant bites on my arm. Clumsy? Maybe not, thoughtless? Yes. And that's why I blame Grace.

Also Tuesday evening as I was sitting at home watching tv, I began playing with a giant zit on my left eyebrow. It wasn't like a normal zit, but seemed kind of hard. But I squeezed it and like magic it disappeared! But, nothing came out. And just 10 minutes later, the side of my face around my eye began to swell, making me look as if I had been hit in the head with a baseball bat....or something that leaves a mark when it hits you. Now, this might not seem clumsy, since it involves fine motor control, but still....you'd think that after dealing with acne for over half my life I would have learned by now. Me - 0. Grace 2.

Wednesday morning, I woke up and my face was still swollen, so I wore my hair down and tried to cover it as much as possible. Nobody said anything, so maybe it worked.

Wednesday evening was 8th grade promotion. It was extremely windy ALL day Wednesday and the evening was pretty much the same; dust and pollen were EVERYWHERE!

This morning when I woke up, not only was my eye swollen from the Disappearing Zit, but it was all puffy and weird underneath the eye. Basically it looks like I got beat up by an albino: swollen, but no color. At that point I decided to forget trying to hide it. I pulled my hair into a ponytail, didn't wear any makeup and went. In fact, I was so concerned about it that I wanted my dad to look at it, so I left without even taking a shower! gasp! Whatever. Today was a half day and the teachers were planning on ambushing the students with water guns and balloons as they left for the day, so I knew I'd get wet eventually.

And now, for the Coup de Grâce (interesting how that's spelled, isn't it?):
We did ambush our students and they did get soaking wet (all that pent up frustration from the last 9 months really helped in our warfare and guerilla tactics...), and things went fine. Then McD and I got it in our heads to gang up on another teacher and soak him, which we did. Then another teacher lured us outside into an ambush by 3 other teachers. And we were shooting and ducking and water balloons were flying and then my former 5th grade teacher started aiming water balloons directly at me and I was ducking and dancing away and turned to escape and smacked (top of the head, whereon my sunglasses were perched, first) into an open, metal door. The aforementioned collision caused my sinuses to empty, my ears to pop and I bit through my tongue on the right side (there was blood) and into my cheek on the left (just a blood filled blister there). There isn't a knot on my head, and it doesn't hurt too bad, but it is a little tender.

Here's hoping Grace has gone back into hiding and that she won't make an appearance at tomorrow's district breakfast, which will probably be attended by the Superintendent, et al.

The Art of Schooling, High School Style and it's Implications to Middle Schoolers

2008-05-07T21:58:00.005-05:00

I have a certain 7th grade student who believes that he is God's gift to the World in general and the Percussion World in particular.

The unfortunate part of this is the fact that he is, indeed, quite talented in the Percussion arena. Now, one might think that having a talented 7th grade percussionist would be anything but unfortunate, and that person would be right, were it not for the incredibly large ego that goes around with said percussionist. It is much easier to work with and teach and train a person who has less talent, but is willing to listen and work hard and learn than it is to try to teach a person who believes he is the best thing since sliced bread.

This student has been giving me grief all year long. Like most percussionists, he is twitchy and incapable of sitting still. He also has an irrepressible personality; He never gives up, and unfortunately is usually quite amusing and charming about it.

This, however, grows old after about the 4th month and I have been immune to this student's charms for some time now. In fact, he has become so annoying of late that I have begun to employ a technique they taught us in college (*gasp!* yes, I'm actually using something I learned!) and trying to get rid of his behavior by ignoring him completely unless he raises his hand and asks a pertinent question. I think it's working because he's getting worse, but it has a tinge of desperation to it as if he can't figure out why he is no longer the center of my attention and he's sure he's going to die if he can't get my attention back on him.

But I digress.

As I was saying, this student has been giving me grief all year. He truly is a better drummer than I. He has an innate sense of timing and is able to play anything I put in front of him (except mallet percussion. He has no desire to play that, so he hasn't bothered to learn it.). Now, don't get me wrong. I am a better musician than he is. I have more musical training and am just better at music than he is. He's just a better drummer.

He doesn't see it that way, however. He feels that drums are the only instrument and has no respect for me because I don't play them. And as a result, he rarely listens to me and feels that he can mouth off any time he wants.

For the last few months, I have been thinking about the day in high school when he will get schooled by a high school drummer and I have been hoping I would be there to witness his downfall.

We have a small Jazz Band performance tomorrow night, and our bass player can't be there, so I recruited a high schooler to help us out. He came in last week and read the music down cold. The middle schoolers were impressed and a little awed (the girls especially. I mean, he's a good looking, older man! What's not to like?). He came back today and we rehearsed the music again and we ended about 10 minutes early. The following then took place:

7th grader: "Look what I can do." *proceeds to show off*
10th grader: *takes sticks from 7th grader and shows him up, ever so slightly*
7th grader: *eyes get a little wider* "But look at this cool trick." *shows off again*
10th grader: *takes sticks and shows him up again*
THEN:
10th grader: "do you know your fundamentals? Flams?" *proceeds to do cool tricks using only flams."
7th grader: *eyes the size of saucers*
10th grader: "what about paradiddles?" *proceeds to do cool tricks using only paradiddles."
7th grader: *eyes the size of dinner plates* "But what about this?" *proceeds to do a fairly good (albeit sloppy) snare solo, playing loud and fast, with lots of stick flipping and rim shots*
10th grader: *does amazing snare solo using only fundamentals* *looks at 7th grader* "learn your fundamentals" *hands him back his sticks and walks away.*

And as he walked away, I held out my hand for a "five", because after all, this sophomore had just made one of my fondest wishes come true. I had known it was coming, I just didn't think it would come so soon, nor that I would get to witness it.

That same day, in a discussion that began "Miss, I got schooled today", I learned that my 7th grader now plans to "practice his fundamentals". Thank you sophomore. You have accomplished something I have been trying to do for the last 9 months.

random

2008-04-30T21:31:00.005-05:00

My Principal found my blog today. I don't know how (and frankly, I'm a little nervous about it). But she did. Welcome to my blog, Principal!
In 1994, the movie Andre came out. People have told me ever since then that I look like the little girl in that movie.
In 2004, the movie Napoleon Dynamite came out. People have told me ever since that I look like the girl in that movie.

I am not either girl.
And actually, the same girl played both parts.
Seriously!
Look it up!

My worst class is Advanced Band.
I figured out this week why:

25 students

14 8th graders

14 boys

9 boys in my back row/low people/percussion section

Yep, it's a bad class.
Overall, I have 12 8th grade boys in Band. 9 of them are in my Advanced Band.

someone talk me down off this ledge, please!

2008-04-28T22:09:00.004-05:00

I am stressing out. Granted, it's not as bad as the stress this time last year was (thank GOODNESS!!! I could definitely not handle that again!), but still, it feels as if everything is piling up all right at once RIGHT NOW and I can't break out of it.

To start:

On Friday, somewhere between 3:25 and 3:30 a punk on his way out to the buses stole my iPod. I noticed at 4. That hung over me all weekend.

On Saturday, I get an email from my principal informing me that there is a district board meeting the day of my Band Spring Concert (May 14). crap.

On Sunday, I woke up at 4 AM with a migraine headache and so I slept off and on all day and so did not sleep well Sunday night.

Today, I met with my principal and the principal of the intermediate school to discuss my take over of 5th grade band. Bottom line: it's doable but it has to be after their school is out, which means I give up my planning period 2 days a week.

Today, I found out that my top alto player and top trumpet player will not be at the Spring concert because the alto player's nephew is having surgery (legit), and the trumpet player's family will be going to SeaWorld (not legit) because dad's work doesn't give them a lot of time off work and they've had this planned for months now. Excuse me, but I planned the concerts in SEPTEMBER. You've had that date since THEN. I'm fairly CERTAIN THAT YOU DID NOT PLAN YOUR VACATION 9 MONTHS IN ADVANCE! And beside that, who goes on vacation the WEEK before school is out?

Today I had to discuss my missing iPod with all my classes in the hopes that someone heard something and it will be returned to me. Nothing as of yet.

Today the 8th graders would not listen to me. Again.

Today I realized how LONG four weeks will be.

Today I had a meeting with a parent and the student's other teachers to discuss stuff that doesn't concern me. It took over an hour.

Today I met with my principal and we planned out next year's schedule. It looks like this:
MWF Jazz Band (zero hour)
M-F Adv. Band (1st)
M-F Beg. Orch (2nd)
M-F Int. Band (3rd)
M-F Adv Orch (4th)
M-F Lunch
M-F Beg. Band (5th)
MWF Planning (6th)
TR 5th Grade Band(6th)
It makes me tired to look at this right now.

Today I got back to my classroom and read an email from the auditorium guy. My spring concerts were NEVER scheduled for May 13, 14. Instead they were scheduled for May 12, 13, but apparently my brain, unable to comprehend a concert on a Monday night melted down from the very beginning and in EVERY SINGLE COMMUNICATION SENT TO PARENTS AND STUDENTS, I listed the concerts at May 13 and 14. So now, good news! It doesn't coincide with the board meeting. Bad news, though. How do I break this to parents, a mere two weeks before the concerts? crappity crap crap!

the squemish should stop reading here:
And to top it all off, last week was PMS week and my hormones were completely out of control. They have calmed down now and I'm just waiting for Aunt Flo to show up.

And due to that and the aforementioned stress, my back, chest and face have EXPLODED into a mass of painful acne that would give even the hardiest middle schooler an inferiority complex. What's the deal here! I am 24 years old. I'm NOT SUPPOSED TO STILL HAVE ACNE!!!!!!!

Next stop, Oxymoron Central

2008-04-20T23:38:00.004-05:00

a good hurt??!!

I've heard that saying, and I think I've even said it, but seriously! What a ridiculous statement.

I started working out this week again. I dunno, some sort of brilliant idea about getting in shape for this 13 mile run I got suckered into...anyway. A couple of teachers work out after school a couple days a week (3 days, to be precise. 3 painfilled, agonizing, horrible days.) and I decided to join them.

Monday wasn't bad. The workout made me tired, but I assumed that it was just the whole "haven't done this in years....

****tangent****

when did I get old enough to start measuring my life in "years"? I mean, I guess it was about the time I turned 3. Then I could say "I haven't done this in 2 years" or something like that. But where did I hit that age when the number was TOO big and so instead of trying to remember - or worse, dating myself - the specifics were dropped, heretofore to be known as simply "years". To wit: I haven't been on a slide in "years". I haven't run through the sprinkler in "years". I haven't worked out in....

*************

.....thing", so I expected to get tired. Tuesday was fun. I was actually able to move, and for at least an hour, I was even able to move my arms. But, I am a music teacher, which means I move my arms A LOT in one day and as the day went on, the baton got heavier and heavier and heavier. And heavier.

Then Wednesday hit and we had the workout from HELL. (At least, I'm pretty sure it was from there. If not from THERE, then NEAR there. Maybe Phoenix?) We did arms and legs again, but this time, the legs were MUCH, much worse. We did lunges. And more lunges. And just when I wanted to die, we did more lunges. It was bad.

Thursday was worse. I could barely move! Sitting was fine. Standing was fine. Going from standing to sitting was AGONY and moving was an adventure, because I was never sure if my muscles were going to a) work at all, or b) give out on me and dump me on my butt in front of my students. Thankfully, that did not happen.

Friday was marginally better, and by now I'm fine!

So here I sit, in Oxymoron Central. Waiting for the next train to Good Hurt-ton.

The reason he's No. 1 on the List

2008-04-19T16:49:00.004-05:00

So the best Friday EVER!

See the previous post for the list.

Things I adore

2008-04-09T21:34:00.003-05:00

1. Red-heads. ;-)

2. Rice-krispy bars. The giant ones that you find at the check-out counter which are only $.88 and are SO bad for you, but you can't help but buy one because it starts talking to you, drawing you in. "sure, you'll scrape the roof of your mouth, but I'm warm and mostly gooey and oh-so-tasty."

3. Foamy soap. When it first came out, I thought it was retarded. I mean, how hard is it to get soap to foam? But now that I've used it (it's in all the bathrooms at work), I think it's great! It eliminates a whole step in the hand washing process. I actually look forward to washing my hands now! There's something so exciting about already foamed soap, and it's so soft!

4. Motivational Posters

5. When 8th grade boys (who are usually larger than I) get their trumpet mouthpieces stuck in the trumpet and bring it to me and all I have to do is turn and pull and it pops right out and they look at me with this sort of scared awe as if to say "Wow, she's small and powerful. We should respect her!"

6. Mini-Coopers.

7. Babies who look like troll dolls.

8. When somebody does something for me for no reason. Like flowers on a random Tuesday (thanks Kerry!) or omelets on Saturday mornings because I'm too lazy to cook.

9. Movie quotes.

7 Weeks and counting

2008-04-05T10:49:00.004-05:00

This is your brain on 4th quarter in middle school:

aitha;ow t;wosjhav;lxkjg ;oseituya w3pt5q159071 p bqlkajnjf;lvnlseituq93T50Y2HB;H'QP2035RB[-(PUF”ØastQ;.K1Y5B[208V OW9UTBQ0 [W25[ P0WE9URQ7 [0W395729U 109357 02597 [BUK 9T5[28-`8 5B`VOWUE IEUWRT OQIWUT OQWYT BP98W TUBPQ0WTU BQOWIUT OQWIUETOQW8T7 [025Y [ 01 oituy pbou5p8q bwoiafd aljhv kjxbcgq94tu5q 2095 bqwo95uqb 2oi5hqwkjhsnvd c0w9t5 q5by qwoiehr b

This is your brain on Summer:

Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Any questions?

And they all lived.....

2008-03-19T14:51:00.002-05:00

I've been thinking a lot about fairy tales lately. I'm not sure why. I've been thinking about the whole "prince-charming-happily-ever-after-ride-off-into-the-sunset-fairy-godmother-rags-to-riches" idea and wondering.

When did it all get started? How did it all get started? I think that fairy tales used to be just that: tales about fairies. Warnings about fairies, if you will. Like: don't make a fairy mad by not inviting her to your party or you'll end up pricking your finger and falling asleep for 100 years. Or, if you're really sweet and do your chores, some benevolent fairy will come along and give you gifts and you'll get to go to the ball and dance with the prince. I don't think the moral was about poor girl meets amazing, rich guy, he's smitten, he fights the dragon, she falls in love, they get married and live happily ever after. The point was the fairies. Not the princes and their various paramours.

So yeah. I think they started out as tales about fairies. And they became pretty popular. Everybody wanted to read them, the magazines were sold out as soon as they were put on the stand, the tv stations aired them every weekend. Yeah, it was a big industry. And everybody wanted a piece of it.

And out of that industry came great stories like Beauty and the Beast:
A young and selfish prince ticks off a fairy and she turns him into a beast until he is able to unselfishly love someone other than himself. A beautiful young girl comes along and is able to see past his hideous exterior and grows to love him and in return, he learns to love and regains his human form.

We all know the story. But I think it actually went like this:
There was once a young man who was the ugliest man in the world. And because he was ugly, he was also the crankiest man in the world. After all, what do ugly people have to be happy about? One day a beautiful young girl wanders onto his property and he imprisons her for trespassing. And during that time, he is mean and ugly, but she sees that it's all because he is unattractive. Eventually, she stops seeing the ugliness and falls in love with him. She sees only his personality (which turns out to be quite pleasant once you get past the crankiness). They get married and live - ever after. Not always happily, because sometimes the crankiness comes back out, but they do live ever after.

But then a young Hans Christian Anderson takes the story to a publishing house and the editor says "well, Mr. Anderson, I like the general story, but it's not going to sell without some fairies in it. It's all the rage now, you know? So how about we change this here, rearrange this here, add in a character here and voila! You've got a fairy tale!"

And Mr. Anderson, although he hates the idea of being a sell-out, has to eat, so he goes along with it, sure that someday, after he's made it big, he'll be able to write stories HIS way.

And that's how I think it happened.

Next week: The real Snow White.

And a great rejoicing was heard across the campus

2008-03-01T19:09:00.002-06:00

From the Principal, 3:45 PM, Friday, February 29, 2008:

"Hi everybody,

Let's do something a little different. On Monday, let's come to school in a school spirit shirt and jeans or slacks. Let's take off some of the pressure of Monday morning and have a relaxing day back. Of course, this is not a mandate, just a fun suggestion.

Have a great weekend"

Fear

2008-02-14T23:02:00.004-06:00

I have never before known this kind of fear. Oh, I've had fear; fear of heights, spiders, small spaces, underwater. Yeah, I'm just neurotic enough that that list could continue for awhile. But those kinds of fears are personal. They only affect me and I know they are caused by me and not some external source. I'm afraid of heights. Heights did not purposely scare me by causing me to fall. I'm afraid of spiders. I've never been threatened by a spider. I'm afraid of being in small spaces or crowds. I know that those fears are internal and somehow, I'm able to live with that. I'm able to deal with those fears because they stem from within me. The fact that they are internal gives me a little power over them.

But this....

I have never before been afraid to live here. Not even after witnessing the drive-by was I shaken at the thought of going outside by myself, or going for a run around the neighborhood or walking my dog. I always felt safe. Until Monday night. On Monday night, I drove home after work and had just made the 2nd to last turn before I got home. There was a very large man making his way across the street, so I slowed down for him and then pulled to a stop to let him cross. As he made his way across the street (from Left to Right), he locked eyes with me. At which point, I locked the door. (As I said, he was a Very Large Man.) He walked nonchalantly to the front of my car, on the passenger side and stopped, staring me down. So, being weirded out, I decided not to hang around until he decided to move, but rather to employ my oh-so-convenient Power Steering and go around and as I did so, he hit the side of my car with his fist.

So where does that leave me? At first, I was just a little weirded out. I couldn't decide what I had seen in his face. I don't know if it was malice or pleasure or both. Part of me thinks he wasn't all there - he had kind of the slack features of one who doesn't think as quickly as he should. The other part of me, however, is frightened.

Oh, I don't think he's going to hunt me down. I doubt he even paid attention to where I turned after I pulled around him (it was still several streets from my turn) and even if he did, he'd have to knock on a few doors before he found me. Unless he got my license plate number......which I didn't think of until now. You see how the paranoia works? Suddenly I go from running after dark by myself (and telling my brother to "call me in 20 minutes if I'm not home"), to rechecking to make sure my door is locked as I'm driving and racing into the house as quickly as possible after I get home. I won't go running by myself 'just in case', I have no desire to open that front door again once I get home, and I think twice about checking the mail.

What's weird is that this is the most I've thought about it since it happened. I'm not consciously looking over my shoulder and worrying about what might happen to me. I've just been having this unsettled feeling when I'm driving in my neighborhood and it finally occurred to me why.

So what do I do about it?

Ladies' Man

2008-02-06T21:47:00.000-06:00

Ok, Soap Box time.

I am so sick of hearing women talk about all the things wrong with men.

"he's not sensitive"

"his clothes don't match"

"he would rather watch tv than talk"

"he likes violent movies"

"he leaves the toilet seat up"

"he farts"

All I have to say is: If you want a man who is the opposite of all those things, declare yourself lesbian, find yourself a woman and stop complaining.

As for me? I don't actually want to date somebody who is like me. I think that the differences are what balance us out and make our lives interesting. If we were all the same, we'd be boring and BORED. So leave 'em alone.

Men are men and that's why we love them.

47 and 25 cats

2008-01-27T20:42:00.000-06:00

The future is clear. At least, my future is clear. As of today, I know EXACTLY what my life will be like in 20 years. Other people had hinted this might be the case, but I hadn't accepted it. It takes an 8 year old to make you truly understand your life and the direction it is headed.

to wit:

8 year old: "Dad, how old were you and mom when you got married?"
Dad: "Oh, I was 24 and mom was 19."
8 year old: "24?! That's how old Jacqueline is!"......"Poor Jacqueline."

Quotes I Like

2008-01-26T23:40:00.001-06:00

"The tragic joke of human history is that on any of the altars men erected, it was always man whom they immolated and the animal whom they enshrined. It was always the animal's attributes, not man's, that humanity worshipped: the idol of instinct and the idol of force - the mystics and the kings - the mystics, who longed for an irresponsible consciousness and ruled by means of the claim that their dark emotions were superior to reason, that knowledge came in blind, causeless fits, blindly to be followed, not doubted - and the kings, who ruled by means of claws and muscles, with conquest as their method and looting as their aim, with club or gun as sole sanction of their power. The defenders of man's soul were concerned with his feelings, and the defenders of man's body were concerned with his stomach - but both were united against his mind." - Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged

"Religion today is not transforming people; rather it is being transformed by the people. It is not raising the moral level of society; it is descending to society's own level, and congratulating itself that it has scored a victory because society is smilingly accepting its surrender." -A. W. Tozer

Great Advice

2008-01-18T22:41:00.000-06:00

"Clearly there's the lesson to be learned here," said zoo spokesman Sam Singer. "The lesson is that it's not a good idea to drink, it's not a good idea to be high on dope, and it's not a good idea to taunt a man-eating tiger."

- from: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080119/ap_on_re_us/tiger_attacks_29;_ylt=AnveJNDLt.LRkvebJv6CbBME1vAI

Ah, Common Sense. Welcome back, old friend. You have been missed.

What I should have said

2008-01-04T14:38:00.000-06:00

"You know, that's it! Every time I come in here, you treat me as if A) I'm a complete idiot and B) you don't have time or inclination to review my chart and really figure out what's going on. I DID tell you about my ears the last time I was here, but you were in such a hurry to get me out of here, that you said it wasn't something to be worried about, and I was too much of a weenie to push the issue. But now I'm back. And you're still acting like I couldn't possibly know what's wrong with me and you have too much to do to actually stop and figure it out. And that tells me something. It tells me that you have too many patients and too much work. So you know what? I'm going to make your life easier. Goodbye, Dr. S. You won't be seeing me again."

Hindsight is 20/20. But you know, now I've got a speech written for next time.

2007-12-28T00:25:00.000-06:00

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

- Marianne Williamson

If I Should Die...

2007-11-24T22:11:00.000-06:00

Yes, I know it's morbid. And.......I don't really care. I figure you all should know. you know. just in case.....

I guess I should back up. I have attended 2 funerals in the last month (it would have been 3, but I was out of town for the other one). All this has gotten me to thinking. And I realized that funerals are boring. REALLY boring. Not to disrespect the dead (by the way, why aren't you allowed to speak ill of the dead?....it's not like they care.) but why do funerals need to last for an hour? It seems to me that all you should need are a few nice words (if any are to be had), a hole in the ground and a shovel. All this should take a half hour, max. Then, everybody can go eat and hang out and speak about the dead person (either good or bad). So, here are my wishes for my funeral. This may change in the future, but this is what I want right now.

1. NO OPEN CASKET. That's just creepy. No viewing, no standing and staring at me, no saying "she looks like she's sleeping" and NO PICTURES. yech.
2. My organs are to be donated. This is of course based on the assumption that my organs will be worth donating. If in doubt go by what mom always says when you donate clothing to Goodwill: If you wouldn't wear it, don't give it away. That is to say: If you wouldn't want my liver, don't donate it.
3. Please donate my body to science. There are too many future doctors out there who haven't had a chance to work with a real cadaver. That makes me sad. I promise to try to get in shape so that said future doctors won't have to be grossed out when working on my body. If science doesn't want my body, cremate me. Or let the cats eat me.
4. No flowers. I mean, I like flowers, but I would rather that people take the money they would have spent on flowers and donate it to a worthy cause. For example: Soldiers' Angels, Salvation Army, Christian Children's Fund or any local school. If you must have flowers, I like lilies.
5. No sermons. Instead I would like congregational singing from the Primitive Baptist song book, a few nice memories said about me and then food. Lots and lots of food. I don't want it turned into a church service. I don't want somebody preaching to the people who are there to say goodbye to me. Talk about God, yes and how big a part He has in my life, but no preaching. People aren't there to be converted.

So that's it for now. I may update periodically, but it's here now. If I die tomorrow, you'll know what I want.

Happy Saturday!

Bra Wars

2007-11-02T23:08:00.000-05:00

A long time ago
In a galaxy far, far away......

It was the time of Laundry. A time when Water and Dirt fought for supremacy over the Washer. And in the end, Water won, but at a very high cost. Water, spent and tired from the battle, was washed away to the Great Outdoors and the bras, finally clean were laid out to dry in peace and quiet.

The bras remained there - untouched and quiet - slowly recovering from the grueling ordeal, until a great and almighty being called Earl* led his followers to them and began the epic crusade known as....

BRA WARS!!!

*Earl has insisted that I make it known that this only occurred after 4 pints of Guinness.

Think....don't speak

2007-10-09T23:17:00.000-05:00

Me, Earlier today:

--To borrow a quote from my sister "You can stop talking now. My head hurts."--

Me, Earlier today but later:

--Will you please go home?--

It's been that kind of a day.

2007-10-01T23:13:00.000-05:00

Sometimes when I'm teaching, I look forward to the day when I start going deaf, because I imagine it will be a huge relief in a lot of ways.

No catchy title today

2007-09-30T00:10:00.000-05:00

Tonight I played a concert. Not unusual for me, true, but bear with me. I have a point. The concert was long and grueling - 2 hours of Sousa marches and pop music. Normally, I have someone else playing my part and we spell each other so we don't have to play each and every off beat. He was not there tonight. (lame. what's in Boston, anyway?) So, I played the part myself. And I did pretty darn good, too! (I don't care what Jane Doe might think about it. and don't get me started on her right now. That's a gripe session for another post.) Anyway, back to the point. I did well, but given my lip injury of Monday and the fact that I don't usually play the whole thing, my lips were SORE after the concert (still are.)
So, Phil and I went to IHOP after the concert and I started icing my lip. We got up to leave and the following conversation took place at the cash register:

cashier (a girl): your total is $25.25
Phil: pays (don't worry, I gave him cash for my half earlier)
Me: Man, my lip REALLY hurts. You've got to stop beating me, Phil. Seriously.
Cashier: *nervous look* *thought bubble appears reading "is she serious? No, she can't be. But what if...."
Phil (as we're walking away): Well, if you'd just do what you're told.....

Man, I hope she knows we were joking.

me vs. chair

2007-09-25T00:15:00.001-05:00

Well, it must be that time of the year. You know, the time for my yearly battle with my clumsiness. I'd been doing pretty well at controlling it, but it got free again tonight and that makes me fear for not only my own safety, the the safety of others as well.

Tonight's battle was fought in a band room. I was helping to set up the chairs for rehearsal. I went over to the chair rack on which the chairs were stacked right about eye level. I grabbed two and began to pull them from the rack. And then, evidently because I am WAY stronger than I think, I smacked myself square in the lip with those stupid chairs.

And then I had to go and play a REALLY grueling 2 hour rehearsal. (you know you are truly a brass player when you would rather break a leg, lose an eye, or get kicked in the groin than to get hit in the mouth.)

Me: 0
Clumsiness: 1

sigh.

I exercise because....

2007-09-25T00:05:00.001-05:00

Until the other day I hadn't found a truly good reason to exercise. Some of the lame-o ones were:
1. health (health schmealth!)
2. fitness (whatever)
3. to look good (um, I teach MIDDLE SCHOOL. why do I need to look good?)
4. to lose weight (that only bothers me at that time of the month)

But the other day, someone said something that makes a LOT of sense to me.

She said "I exercise because I love to eat. It may sound stupid, but when you exercise you can eat whatever you want."

And that, for me, became a reason to get motivated. See, I have never gone on a diet because 1) my headaches get REALLY bad when I don't eat and 2) I really LOVE to eat. Food is SO good. All kinds of food. There is very little food that I don't like. I could live the rest of my life eating Mexican Food and be perfectly happy. Throw in a little Italian now and then, some Mediterranean every once in a while, some Asian....heck! give me all kinds (except Borscht. Not sure I could eat that.) and I would be the happiest person in the world. So now, I have a reason to exercise. FOOD! (yay!)

To that end, I have set up some goals to try to reach as I enter this food-motivated exercise plan (wow, I sound like a dog...food motivation...):

20 lbs lighter by January 31, 2008.
In bed by 10 PM every night. (um, am I allowed to change this to 10:30?)
Eat breakfast every day. (so far, this only works if breakfast and lunch are the same meal).
Exercise at least 5 days a week. (how's about 2-3? is that ok too?)

So far, not so good on progress, but at least I'm trying!!!

Today on "Hi! I'm an inconsiderate pain in the keister!"

2007-09-12T22:32:00.000-05:00

Today on "Hi! I'm an inconsiderate pain in the keister!" we meet with Phil. Phil is an older gentleman, clad in jeans and a denim shirt, who has been waiting at the clinic for half an hour. Let's find out what he has to say on the subject.

Phil, can you tell us what's been going on?
"Well, I've been waiting here at this clinic for a half an hour now."

It's 8:15 right now, Phil. Can you tell us what time the clinic opens?
"Well, the sign on the door says it opens at 8:30, but the doors are unlocked and I've been waiting for a half an hour now."

Phil, did you see the sign that says that the LAB opens at 7 AM?
"Well, I did see that sign, but like I said, I've been waiting for half an hour now and nobody is around."

Uh Phil, did you go and see if you can find anyone?
"Well, I did ask some people waiting in the waiting room, but they were morons and didn't know anything."

What about staff, Phil?
"Well, someone finally came out and I asked her if she knew where the front desk staff was, but she gave me some cockamaimie story about only working for the Lab. But I told her that I've been waiting for a half an hour now, so she said she'd try to find someone. And then I told her it would be nice if they would put up signs when they are in meetings, even though I read the sign that says they don't open until 8:30. I mean, I've been waiting for a half an hour now."

What finally happened, Phil?
"Well, after waiting for a half an hour now, someone finally came out and asked what I needed. I told her that I was supposed to pick up some records last night but I didn't make it in and would she please get them for me now. I also made it clear that it would be nice if they posted signs because I've been waiting for a half an hour now."

Well, there you have it folks, one man being forced to wait while inconsiderate clinic staff laze about in a morning meeting. This reporter believes that they definitely need larger signs regarding opening and meeting times. Back to you, John.

things you didn't know you didn't know

2007-09-08T01:08:00.000-05:00

I got tagged with this one by my sister:

The Rules:
1. I have to post these rules before I give you the facts.
2. Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
3. People who are tagged need to write their own blog (about their eight things) and post these rules.
4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
5. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

1. In my mind, numbers, the alphabet, music notes, and time are displayed on a path....the path winds around and goes through light and dark patches. Each digit has it's own place and is always where it's supposed to be and each digit is a different shade of dark and light. They are not displayed on the same path (that is, numbers have a different path from letters, etc) and each path is different and unique. When it comes to numbers I don't see individual numbers after 100. Instead I see blocks of a hundred which can then be expanded to individual digits if need be. Music notes are displayed on the staff, but they do not go in straight line on the staff...they curve around.

2. I see some people in colors not related to "people colors". For example, I went to school with a guy who I saw as purple. This is a very rare thing.

3. When it comes to things or events affecting only me, I am a procrastinator and I am rarely organized or on time. When it comes to things or events affecting other people, I am always early, always have my stuff and never procrastinate. That's why people think I have my act together.

4. I have used my horn as the basket for Tennis Ball Basketball.

5. I have hobbit feet. They are flat, wide, the toes are short and if I don't shave them, they are hairy.

6. My brother can walk a mile faster than I can run one.

7. I fully intend to marry Jarod.

8. I want a polydactyl calico cat to be named Quigley. Here's why: Polydactyl cats are cool cuz they look like they are wearing mittens. A Calico cat will be cool cuz it will match Diesel. And it will be named Quigley because a) I really like the movie and 2) Quigley sounds like a cat name. You try. "Quigley! Here kitty kitty!" See?

My tagees are: femaleparadox and well, that's it cuz my sister took everybody else that I know. sigh.

a regular old fashioned gripe-fest

2007-09-07T23:08:00.000-05:00

This story starts a while ago and I can't use specific names (because I'm paranoid and "just in case"). Let's see....how to do this?

Ok in May, my friend Phil (I can use his name) moved back to town. And since we are both musicians, he suggested we join a local band so that we could play good music while we endeavor to teach middle schoolers. I agreed and he said he'd email the director. Around the beginning of August, he called me and said that he was in but that I would have to show up to the first rehearsal and talk to the section leader to find out if there was room for me.
"Her name is Jane Doe" he said, and my head almost exploded.

See, I cannot STAND Jane Doe. I absolutely cannot stand her. I worked with her once for about 2 rehearsals and one concert and I wanted to take my pencil, stab it into my eye, pull out the eyeball and eat it. She is one of those people who is socially awkward, thinks she is far more important than she is, just because she is section leader, and gives out unsolicited advice because she thinks that I am young, don't know anything and also should dedicate my life to nothing but the performance of music. I think there is more to life than copying every piece of music I play so that I can spend my time rehearsing parts just in case I might perform it (as Phil put it, "Just become technically proficient at your instrument and then you can sightread the material!"). She also badgered me for my contact info, acted hurt when I wouldn't give her my phone number (yeah right) nor commit to rehearsing with her groups because I didn't know my schedule and then sent an email out to other players in the area dissecting my playing ability and listing me as an acceptable alternate (although they would continue using the other first).

After a long discussion in which I reminded Phil of the above, he convinced me to just go and check it out and we hung up. 5 minutes later, he called me back and we had the following conversation:

Phil: I just got an email from Jane Doe asking me if I had your contact info and if I knew anything about your previous playing experience and background.
Me: a:AOKrahtutkjahwb;iluapfg89aghylak I HATE THAT WOMAN!!!!!!!!!!! I don't think I can be in this group!
Phil: Come on! Don't let her stop you. Just try it out.
Me: snort. grrr. sigh. ok. I'll try it out.

So we went to the first rehearsal and Jane finally walked in and I walked up to her and said "Hi! I'm supposed to talk to you about whether or not there is room for me!"
"And what do you play?" she asked.
"Kazoo." I thought. What I said was "I play what you play!" and I used my cheeriest tone. The director was standing there and he said "remember, I emailed you about her". And she got all prissy and said "I remember and I sent an email to her friend about her, but I never got a reply." I gave my best innocent what-do-you-do-about-boys shrug and then she looked at me and said in the same hurt and accusing tone "oh! I've worked with you before! You're the one who didn't know her schedule but now you're here."
I said "Well now I know my schedule."

Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but don't I have the RIGHT not to know if I can rehearse during the FIRST SEMESTER THAT I HAVE A REAL JOB? maybe not.

So, she asked me if I could play all the September concerts. I said "yeah, as far I as I know." (apparently this was not a good enough answer because she asked me the same question 3 more times and I finally replied with "well unless someone in my family dies." At which point she started a discourse on her mother. sigh.) And the first couple of rehearsals went by and they went by fine because I didn't have to sit next to her nor really interact with her.

Then there was rehearsal this week. During a bunch of rests I pulled out my phone to text my brother to remind him to do the laundry. I put the phone away and went back to playing. He texted me back and the phone kept buzzing so I pulled it out of my pocket to turn it off and during the next rest, I took it out to reply. At which point, she leaned across another player and asked "Is that an addiction?"
To which I replied: "Do I look like I'm in middle school, lady? Are you my mother or teacher? Where do you get off telling me not to text message during the middle of rehearsal if I want to?!! I AM TWENTY FOUR YEARS OLD!! I am not getting paid to be in this group and I can text message, talk or read a book during rehearsal if I choose and the ONLY person who can do anything about it is the DIRECTOR and he isn't saying anything. And you know why? Because I'm only doing it when I'm not playing. And even if I WERE doing it when I was supposed to be playing it wouldn't matter because we're playing a POPS CONCERT which means we are all playing in UNISON and you aren't playing in tune anyway, so what does it matter if I play or not? HUH? HUH? You know what? I quit. Find yourself another player. I don't need this. Come on, Phil, let's go."

Or, at least I WOULD have said it if I weren't such a weenie. (instead I said "no, it's important" and then kept taking out my phone just to irritate her.) If she says ONE thing to me during the next meeting I will not hold myself responsible if I happen to jump over the two players between us and grab her instrument and throw it on the ground and jump up and down on it yelling "take THAT!!"

Author's Note: Please understand that I don't actually wish her harm and I don't actually hate her. She annoys me and I feel sorry for her. I am just blowing off some steam in a relatively anonymous forum so that I don't end up saying something mean in a public one.

April Showers and May Showers and

2007-08-14T23:53:00.000-05:00

June, July, August, September, October, November, December, January, February and March Showers.

I HATE taking showers. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE the result of showers. But I really hate taking them.

It's so much work. First you have to set the water temperature. Then undress, brush out your hair, get in, shampoo your hair, soap everything, rinse out your hair, put in conditioner, shave (and if you are also shaving your legs, this could take a long time...depending on how long it has been since you last shaved - yesterday, thank you very much!), then rinse out your hair, and wash your face. You turn off the water, but are you done? NO!
Now you have to step out of the shower into a hot and humid bathroom, DRY off (ugh!), put on lotion, put on your jammies, wash off any makeup that survived the face wash, comb out your hair and if you go that far, blow it dry. sigh.

I really wish there were a way to just snap your fingers and go to the results show. Like American Idol, but without Tuesdays. Just let me know who's been voted off already. I just wanna be clean. Is that too much to ask?

Is it?

You never get out of sixth grade

2007-08-04T00:21:00.001-05:00

Don't believe me? Ok, then take the following test:

Directions: Read the following words and answer the question at the end.

butt
poop
fart
booger
uranus
wenus (sp?)

1. True or False. I laughed, chuckled, chortled, giggled, snickered, guffawed and/or smirked at one or all of the above listed words.

See what I mean? You never get out of sixth grade. This is especially true when one is, in fact, a sixth grade teacher. Allow me to illustrate.

I was in my classroom, painting it. Phillip was helping. We had the following conversation:
Phillip: Jacqueline, can I poop on your board?
Me: Um. I guess. As long as you keep it neat.
Phillip: Ok, I pooped on your board.

I turned around and he had written the word "poop" on one of my white boards. We giggled, went back to painting and a few hours later had forgotten all about it and in walks my principal, her husband, and the office manager. Not sure if they saw it; they didn't say anything if they did. But it reminded us.
"Time to get the poop off the board, " I said.

So we scrubbed, and we scrubbed. And nothing worked! The poop got a little fainter, but it was still stubbornly clinging to the board. We scrubbed some more, and eventually, we got it to the point that you can no longer see the word - just a big mess.

Help! I have a giant poop stain on my board and I can't get it off!!

The Raging River of Death

2007-07-31T21:13:00.001-05:00

(a true and not at all dramatised account of what REALLY happened....)

For those of you not familiar with Southern Arizona (ok, more like southern-to-mid Arizona), we have a river here called the Salt River. Why it's called that, I don't know. It doesn't taste salty. Anyway. One of the things to do is to go tubing on the Salt River, and a company has taken it upon themselves to help in that endeavor. You drive there, pay $14 and you get a giant inner tube (black with a yellow stripe around it) and a bus ride up to the top of the river. If you are smart, you also pay for an extra tube into which you shove your laden-with-goodies cooler. At the top (aka Point 1), you slather yourself with sunscreen, tie sheets around the tubes (trust me. that black rubber gets REALLY hot and you can take off an inch of skin if you don't have the sheet), tie your tubes together - or at the very least, tie your cooler to someone in your group, and away you go. 3-4 hours later, after beautiful scenery, snacks and stimulating conversation, you reach point 4, clamber over rocks and other tubers, untie your tubes, untie the sheets, pack everything back up, get back on the bus and head back to your car. At least, that's how you do it in an ideal world....

On Saturday, Aimee, Cheryl, Phillip and I decided to go tubing on the Salt River. Actually, the decision was made before Saturday, but the execution of said decision was on Saturday. Anyway. We got up REALLY early, packed the cooler and our bags, and headed up to the river. An hour and a half later, we were there and began the process of getting ready to go: using the restrooms, cramming as much stuff as possible into the cooler and 2 bags, getting tubes, etc.

As per my earlier description, we got to point 1, put on sunscreen, tied down the sheets and cooler, and wearing beautiful floppy hats and no shoes, we shoved off. At first it was pretty calm. Soothing really. And, like I said, beautiful scenery. After a half hour or so, we broke out the Gatorade (aka Margaritas disguised as Gatorade. No glass containers allowed.) Merrily we floated along. For some reason we were predisposed to floating as close to the shore line as possible. A low hanging and not at all flexible branch nearly decapitated me and then Aimee, but we survived. We came to an island and saw that we were going to be too close to the shore. We began paddling, in a somewhat energetic manner, because the speed of the water had picked up a lot. Just then my behind smacked into a rock, and we realized that there were more pitfalls to this section than just fast water and an island. Before I knew it, I slammed into a rock, my tube flipped over my head and I was being dragged along by the raging water. The water was only about 3 feet deep, so naturally, my knees came in contact with every single rock in the river bed. I struggled along, threw my floppy hat at Phillip and managed to grab hold of my tube. I was trying to pull myself back onto my tube, when it flipped over again, landing me smack in the water with knees and feet hitting yet more rocks. Somehow during all this Phillip let my hat escape. "Help!" I cried and Cheryl reached for me. I pulled myself half on to her inner tube, which threatened to overturn her tube. "Aimee!" she yelled and latched on to Aimee's arm, thereby balancing the tube and the four of us floated into the calm waters of Point 2. Somehow during all that, I was able to hook my hat with my foot and pull it along with me. It was really quite amazing. The rest of the trip was not nearly so adventurous. My side, knees, feet and but began to hurt, but otherwise I was in good spirits.

And then...I really had to pee. I mean, REALLY. I hadn't had any Gatorade, but Cream Soda and Water go through you just as much. The pressure began to hurt. I asked "Are there bathrooms at Point 3?"
"Just go in the water" they said.
"Gross," said I.
"The river is your bathroom," said they. "Everybody does it."
"Eww," I thought and tried not to sit quite so low in the water.

Now, I won't say whether or not any members of my group actually did go in the water...you'll have to ask them, but at some point, it got so bad that I gave in to pressure (pun intended) and slipped out of my tube. And I tried. Believe me, I tried. But I couldn't go. I just couldn't! I tried all the old tricks: thinking of waterfalls, rivers (I mean, good grief! We were ON a river!), the song from Bambi that goes "Drip, Drip, Drop little April Showers". Nothing worked. So, I determined that we would stop at point 3 so that I could go to the bathroom. So I waited. And I waited. And we went past the morons who climbed the cliffs, mooned us and then jumped off. And I waited. The pressure kept building and building. Suddenly we saw a sign. -Point 4 ahead, move to the left of the river. -Apparently Point 3 does not exist.
We put on our flipflops and prepared to brave the rocks. Suddenly, one of my lovely yellow flips slipped off my foot and floated down the river. I think I heard it singing "born free, as free as the wind blows". sigh. The other flip yelled "WAIT FOR ME!!!" and raced down the river to join it's mate. double sigh.

We climbed out, unpacked and I thought ok, this isn't bad. The rocks are smooth. I'll be fine. And then I stepped out of the water. See, I had forgotten this phenomenon that happens in Arizona when the sun shines. Things get hot. REALLY hot.

Long story short, I ended up standing on our bag of wet sheets, as Aimee, Cheryl and Phil climbed the hill to the buses and and then Aimee took Cheryl's flips and brought them to me so that I could trudge up the hill. yay.

All in all, though, it was a very memorable day. We all got a little bit of a sunburn and I got....well, let me show you. I apologize for the whiteness.

Nice, huh? It really hurts, too.

Beauty and the Hypocrisy Beast

2007-06-27T00:42:00.001-05:00

Previously, on our show:
Our heroine had just confronted the nasty Hypocrisy Beast, which was dressed in the guise of the Car-Driving Cell Phone Talker. After taking several nasty blows, and just when defeat seemed imminent, our heroine managed to rally her defenses and strike a killing blow to the monster, by using her magical Bluetooth Headset. The Hypocrisy Beast screamed, writhed and fell to the ground. Our heroine was victorious and scraped, but she drove triumphantly onward.

This week:
We join our heroine in the midst of yet another struggle. Unbeknownst to her, the Hypocrisy Beast had not died, but was merely wounded, and apparently, not THAT badly wounded after all. The Bluetooth Headset had simply stunned the creature, causing it to fall over in surprise and dismay, but later it had awakened and crawled off to its cave to plot revenge.
The latest battle began on Friday. Our noble heroine had willingly taken her time and volunteered to help her mother clean out sheds and box up stuff to give to charity. To help her reach this goal, our heroine had donned armour of a pink tanktop, blue and white shorts, tennis shoes and a pony tale. After several hours spent at this task, our heroine was sweaty, dirty and tired. She needed a shower, badly. But, being the ever helpful and loving person that she is, she again agreed to help another person in need by driving her sister to school so that she could take a test and get a job.
For our new audience, here is the point in the story when we do a little bit of background - be it flashbacks, or whatever - so that you can understand a little more about our heroine and her struggle. This week's flashback will take the form of a narrative, voiced over by none other than our heroine.

"I hate how vain and shallow people are. I hate that tv, radio, magazines, newspapers, books, videogames, etc are all telling me that unless I dress in the height of fashion - regardless of how ridiculous (Ugg Boots, anyone?) that fashion may be; unless I wear makeup that covers up every single, little flaw; unless I do my hair in such a way or wear the proper windshield-sized sunglasses; unless I go out of my way to do all of this (and more), I am not worth a person's time. Guys will not want to date me; people will not want to be my friends. I will not be liked for the person I am on the inside, because CLEARLY if I am not willing to decorate my outside so heavily that I am unrecognizable as the person that God created me to be, nothing on the inside could POSSIBLY have merit. I hate that my body shape (being hourglass curvy, but having more curves than the normal hourglass) is thought to be something of an embarrassment; that because my stomach is not flat, my arms are mushy and I normally have something of a five o'clock shadow on my legs, I am not GOOD enough. I hate that nobody seems willing to take the time to look past the out-of-style clothing, the Rubenesque figure and the normal hairstyles to get to know the person underneath. I fight with myself on a regular basis about the idea of makeup. Why should I wear it? Am I not good enough without it? I haven't yet resolved that issue, but I am coming to terms with it. I don't wear makeup all the time, and when I do, I wear VERY little. But, all this aside, I do not obsess over this issue. I just live the way I want to and I mostly ignore the idiocy around me. If people want to overlook me, that's fine. Less work for me. To quote the very famous Stuart Smalley "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me." Thank you."

The Narrative being ended, our heroine sat in her car, reading and waiting for her sister, unaware that the Hypocrisy Beast was creeping up on her. A school bus pulled up behind her and children filed out. She looked up. Nothing terribly interesting. She read a few more sentences and then looked up again. She saw a man about her age. Wow, she thought, that guy is REALLY good look - wait. Is that - ? It can't be. Is that CHRIS? And lo and behold, it was. It was Chris, a former classmate. And the Hypocrisy Beast pounced, striking from behind and smashing her in the back of the head. Please don't let him see me. I look horrible! I'm all sweaty and my clothes are old and ratty and my hair is a MESS! Please don't let him -
"Hey Jacqueline!"
"Hi Chris." dang it. he recognized me. CRAP! Why does he have to look so good and I look like this?! It's NOT fair!

Unfortunately for our heroine, the Hypocrisy Beast won that round. Oh, she braved it out and pretended like she didn't care, but the Beast had won all the same. So, the fight will continue. Our heroine may be down, but she is not out. Warning to the Hypocrisy Beast: Your days are numbered.

And you are?

2007-06-21T19:01:00.000-05:00

I: Hi! My mom sent me in to pick up a CD with pictures of a house on it.
He: Oh! Is your mom Halene?
I: Yes.
He: Here's the CD. Are you the daughter?
I: ......
I: ...... uh, no. Actually, I'm the son.

(actually, I didn't say the last part, because he was being SUPER nice and I didn't want to crush his feelings. But I WANTED to.)

The Moral of the Story?

2007-06-19T08:49:00.000-05:00

If you get up at 5 AM to go running and your stomach is screaming at you for the Mexican food you ate yesterday, just do yourself a favor and crawl back in bed until the agony is over, because otherwise, I guarantee you, at some point during your run, you are going to want - nay, need - to stop and embarrass yourself in public.

Thank God for Burger King.

I hate it when the TV whistles

2007-06-15T18:32:00.001-05:00

and other random annoyances.

I hate it when the TV whistles. Especially because it only whistles at a frequency that dogs (and apparently I) can hear.

I hate it when I'm watching a cartoon and I can't figure out which actor is playing a character, but I KNOW I've heard that voice before.

I hate having to dry off when I get out of the shower. Too much work.

I hate it when my dog wakes me up an hour before my alarm goes off and won't let me go back to sleep, and then when I let her out, she proceeds to bark at the neighboring dogs, which keeps me awake anyway.

I hate it when my dog wakes me up 15 minutes before my alarm goes off.

I hate it when I am really looking forward to something happening (eg: school ending, family reunion, etc) and then time. drags. on. at. the. slowest. possible. rate. ever.

I hate it when I get a song stuck in my head. Now - I'm not talking a once-in-a-while having "the barney song" stuck in my head. No I'm talking about having a song stuck in my head at least once a day for several hours. And then the song will change. It's like my own personal radio station. Only, without DJs and with a really random song selection, and also, unfortunately, commercials.

I hate it when I shave my legs, and before I get out of the shower, feel my legs against the grain to make sure I haven't missed any spots, and then I get out of the shower and as I'm drying off, I discover an inch by inch patch that was apparently invisible and resistant to the razor.

I hate it that in Quiznos commercials, they say "MMMMM (that's FIVE m's) toasty", but that they only WRITE "MMMM toasty".

I hate it when I'm lying in bed at night and it's too hot for covers, so I've kicked them off, but then I realize that the monsters under the bed (or in the closet, or sitting in the middle of the floor) can eat me because I don't have my protective shielding on, so I have to cover up, because it is better to ROAST than to be eaten. (and I can't convince myself that the monsters aren't there.)

I hate it when they play the same commercial back to back.

I hate it when I call a place to ask a question and they patronize me. Apparently only stupid people need to ask questions.

I hate it when I'm trying to sleep (e.g. after the dog has awakened me or at naptime), but I can't go to sleep because my BRAIN won't stop TALKING to me. It's like that really annoying kid in school who didn't have any friends and would talk to you and you would have to be nice to them because you felt sorry for them.

"Oh Poppycock! FEMALE bandits?!"

2007-06-13T09:21:00.000-05:00

Ok, to be fair, I don't know if you were female. In fact I don't know much of anything about you. I don't know if you were a "they" or just a "you". I just thought the line sounded good.

I DO know that you are slimy, cowardly little yellow-bellied chickens; morons too afraid of living responsibily and following the laws put down by our nation. You obviously are afraid of failure, so rather than trying to accomplish something productive, you make your way through life, taking what others have worked hard to gain, and destroying what you cannot take.

I certainly hope that the momentary high you receieved off of taking my things was worth it. I hope that the little bit of money you got for my stuff was enough so that you could go out and buy drugs and get your momentary fix. Too bad you will never know true happiness, nor the pride in accomplishing something good and decent.

But, I'm still curious about a few things:

1. Why did you move my brother's Army helmet from the back office to the living room. Were you playing kickball?

2. Why did you sort through my movies and take such things as Beauty and the Beast, Bill Cosby and TWO empty cases, but leave behind such things as The Man from Snowy River and Ocean's Eleven? Wouldn't you have made more money and taken less time if you had just taken everything?

3. Why didn't you take the almost $500 worth of box sets in the forms of Alias, The Pretender, etc?

4. Why did you smash the TV? Was it too heavy for your puny arms?

5. Why did you move the cheese knife from the kitchen into the chair in the living room?

6. Why didn't you take the following items: the DVD player, the modem and the wireless router?

Wow. In looking back on it, it seems you weren't even very good theives.

Yes, you took my stuff. Yes, you got away with it. Congratulations to you. Enjoy your 15 minutes. I, on the other hand, will continue to live my life responsibily. I will continue to work and play to the utmost and I will buy more movies, another computer, and my brother will probably buy another PS2. You will not destroy our lives.

Do NOT touch me and DO NOT EVER touch my little brother

2007-05-26T19:27:00.001-05:00

Dear Morons Who Were at the El Con Movie Theatre at 1:30 This Afternoon,
Hi! I just wanted to write and see if any of you are aware of exactly how stupid you are. Probably not, so let's go over the what happened, shall we?

First: I was there with my little brother (age 14) to see Pirates 3. You were there, presumably, to see that or another movie currently playing.

Second: We had all decided that we needed snacks before seeing our respective movies, and being on the right side of the theatre, we decided to go to the snack bar on the right side instead of braving the main snack bar at the front. Some arrived before others, and, as most of us do, formed a line to wait.

Third: There was only one register open, and he was moving as quickly as he could (thank you snack bar guy).

Fourth: Another kindly snack bar person came to a second register and said "I can help the next person in line". And, being the pro that she is, she did. And then she helped the next "next person in line".

Fifth: I, being the intelligent person that I am, decided it was silly for us all to wait in one line when there were clearly two registers open, so I decided to form a second line at the newly available register.

Sixth: You all turned in to a bunch of Kindergarteners (my apologies to those who actually ARE kindergarteners, as I am sure YOU would not have behaved in such a childish fashion) and began complaining:
"hey, there's only one line"
"you need to get back in line"
"come on get back in line"
My response: "there are two registers open. I see nothing wrong with this. Let's form another line" (most of which was not finished because of the CRYING going on)

Seventh: Some old idiot decided that it would be ok to grab my brother by the shoulder and force him back in to line whilst saying in THE MOST patronizing tone EVER "come on, just get back in line". He then decided to grab MY shoulder, at which point I had had enough.

"Do NOT touch me" I said (in my best teacher voice) "DO NOT touch me." And, motioning to my little brother, we left said right-side-of-the-theatre-snack-bar and went up front to the main one. Whereat, we purchased our water, red vines and super sour straws.

Eighth: We beat you through the line and made it back to our movie before you made it to yours. My little brother made sure you knew this by raising his snacks to you so that you could see them. And don't think we didn't notice that by that time, you had gone ahead and formed a second line at the other available register.

So, now that we've covered the scenario, here's some friendly advice.

1. Don't be babies. If YOU didn't think of forming a second line, and the person behind you did, instead of being all socialist "everybody must have an equal share", why not admire that person for her great ideas and learn your lesson for next time.

2. DO NOT touch my little brother. Next time, he has my permission to hit you.

3. If you EVER try to touch me, or herd me, or in anyway physically force me to do what you want, I will drop you so fast, you will forget what movie you wanted to see.

Thank you.

The Queen of Non Sequitur

Thanks #28

Thanks #27

Thanks #26

Thanks #25

Thanks #24

Thanks #22

Thanks #21

Thanks #20

Thanks #19

Midnight Conversations

Thanks #17

Thanks #16

Thanks #15

Thanks #14

Resolutions Upate

Thanks #13

Thanks #12

Thanks #11

Thanks #10

Thanks #9

Thanks #8

Thanks #7

Thanks #6

Thanks #5

Thanks #4

Thanks #3

Thanks #2

Two Months

A Year of Thanks

Viewed with Wonder

Day 4

Day 3

Day 2

Day 1

Back on the Wagon Again

Purging

Day 12: "Hang on, World! Here I come!"

My New Schedule

Halfway

Days 10 & 11: "Bi-polar, indeed!"

Day 9: "This is a good day for cookie dough."

Day 8: "One Week Down, a Lifetime to Go"

Day 7: " *yawn* It's my day off."

Day 6: "Ehhhhhh"

Day 5: "But I don't WANNA!"

Day 4: "Stupid Daylight Saving Time!"

Day 3: *breathes sigh of relief when I see my clean kitchen*

Day 2 "Can I start this diligence thing on Monday?"

Day 1 "Let's DO this!"

21 Days of Diligence

A Tough, but Right, Call

Taco Bell Delivers?!

Identity Crisis

An Anecdote to make up for the neglect

pardon me a moment while I get this off my chest

naptime, flutes and old age

Consonants equal meaning

They're really very good kids

Nothing to say

Teacher Rights?

Warning: Politics ahead

SBVD

Taller = Waaaay Older?

Is it possible to have writers’ block for what is essentially a journal entry? Just curious.

The Return of Grace

The Art of Schooling, High School Style and it's Implications to Middle Schoolers

random

someone talk me down off this ledge, please!

Next stop, Oxymoron Central

The reason he's No. 1 on the List

Things I adore

7 Weeks and counting

And they all lived.....

And a great rejoicing was heard across the campus

Fear

Ladies' Man

47 and 25 cats

Quotes I Like

Great Advice

Day 7: " yawn It's my day off."

Day 3: breathes sigh of relief when I see my clean kitchen