So, I think that my time on earth is severely limited. Today is the 3rd time in 6 days that I have nearly died! Interestingly, each attempt on my life has involved a car. hmmm.
The first time, I was just minding my own business, driving up the ramp in the parking garage, when this massive truck (a Ford...trust me, I got a REALLY good look at that front bumper) comes careening around the corner, going 7 billion miles per hour and nearly hits me. I slam on my brakes, but he doesn't even slow down...just keeps zooming along as I'm sitting, huddled in the driver's seat, braced for impact. Strike One.
Then, on Friday, I leeave work at 5 and I am walking along the sidewalk to go to the parking garage. I am walking with the flow of traffic and have just entered a little side-street intersection when I hear a honk behind me. I pay no attention, because, after all, it is rush hour. One expects to hear horns. But then it occurs to me that maybe I should....ZOOM! this car (an SUV, of course) comes squealing around the corner maybe a foot in front of me (now, mind you, I was IN THE INTERSECTION and this is a PEDESTRIAN FRIENDLY CITY) with the driver yelling 'Pay Attention!!!' Jerk. Strike Two.
And so, today, I was driving to work. It's a little after 7:30 and I am in the turn lane to turn left. The light turns yellow, so I inch my way forward and wait for oncoming traffic to stop. Then, the light turns red and my little green arrow pops up, so, naturally, I assume that it is my turn to go. The oncoming white truck seems to be slowing to a stop. So, I hit the gas. The white truck doesn't slow down, but rather swerves. I slam on the brakes. He continues, THROUGH A RED LIGHT and, finally, heart racing, I get to continue on my way. Strike Three.
Does anybody else see a pattern here?
Holy. Crap.
ReplyDeleteI'll drive to Big E's!
UM, yeah, Let Susie drive!! Oh, and ya'll find a better adjective than BIG for me. K. How 'bout "her Royal E-ness" or something else more E-friendly!!
ReplyDeletelol. you guys are funny. You should notice, that it wasn't MY driving that caused these problems, but rather other people. I don't think I should be banned from driving. Puh-lease, can't I drive? With a cherry on top?
ReplyDeleteHmmm. So I see you're lagging behind in the updating business. Don't use school and work as an excuse. *wags finger* You have sleep hours. *nods wisely* Do it then. I don't sleep and there's nothing wrong with me. Wags... there's a funny word. Do you emphasize the "wuh" or the "guhz"? Probably not the "aah". That would be too obvio...*snores, drools uncontrollably on second outfit of the day*
ReplyDelete