The first day of the rest of my life

People keep asking me if I'm excited about tomorrow. The answer is no. NO!!

What I AM is scared, anxious, nervous, and any other adjective that might be a synonym to one of the above. In short (no pun intended), I am FREAKING OUT!!!!!!!

Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life. Tomorrow, I actually cross the threshold from child into the Adult Conspiracy. Tomorrow, I stop being a student and start being a productive member of society. Tomorrow, I start affecting the future.

Tomorrow, I become a teacher. I will have control of my own classroom. It will be up to me to implement MY lessons and teach in MY style. I will have to be the adult and instead of looking to someone else to solve my problems, I have to solve not only my own, but those of my students as well.

When I look into the mirror, I don't see someone who is ready for Tomorrow. I don't see an adult, full of self confidence and wisdom, with clear goals and ideas and ready to take charge. What I see is a post adolescent teenager. I see someone who has spent the last five and a half years learning about something, only to blank just minutes before the final exam. I see someone who has the maturity of a 6th grader.

During student teaching (yes, I recall being scared about that, too - although right now, I would really love to go back there!!), they kept telling me that Teachers are Actors. We have to pretend to feel excitement about our subject, even when we've taught the same thing over and over and over and over. We have to act happy when we are sad. We have to act healthy when all we really want to do is crawl into bed and never get out. We have to act like confident grown-ups when all we really are are scared little children who want their mommies to make them mac and cheese and read us a story.

After tomorrow, they will have to give me an Academy Award.