a regular old fashioned gripe-fest

This story starts a while ago and I can't use specific names (because I'm paranoid and "just in case"). Let's see....how to do this?

Ok in May, my friend Phil (I can use his name) moved back to town. And since we are both musicians, he suggested we join a local band so that we could play good music while we endeavor to teach middle schoolers. I agreed and he said he'd email the director. Around the beginning of August, he called me and said that he was in but that I would have to show up to the first rehearsal and talk to the section leader to find out if there was room for me.
"Her name is Jane Doe" he said, and my head almost exploded.

See, I cannot STAND Jane Doe. I absolutely cannot stand her. I worked with her once for about 2 rehearsals and one concert and I wanted to take my pencil, stab it into my eye, pull out the eyeball and eat it. She is one of those people who is socially awkward, thinks she is far more important than she is, just because she is section leader, and gives out unsolicited advice because she thinks that I am young, don't know anything and also should dedicate my life to nothing but the performance of music. I think there is more to life than copying every piece of music I play so that I can spend my time rehearsing parts just in case I might perform it (as Phil put it, "Just become technically proficient at your instrument and then you can sightread the material!"). She also badgered me for my contact info, acted hurt when I wouldn't give her my phone number (yeah right) nor commit to rehearsing with her groups because I didn't know my schedule and then sent an email out to other players in the area dissecting my playing ability and listing me as an acceptable alternate (although they would continue using the other first).

After a long discussion in which I reminded Phil of the above, he convinced me to just go and check it out and we hung up. 5 minutes later, he called me back and we had the following conversation:

Phil: I just got an email from Jane Doe asking me if I had your contact info and if I knew anything about your previous playing experience and background.
Me: a:AOKrahtutkjahwb;iluapfg89aghylak I HATE THAT WOMAN!!!!!!!!!!! I don't think I can be in this group!
Phil: Come on! Don't let her stop you. Just try it out.
Me: snort. grrr. sigh. ok. I'll try it out.

So we went to the first rehearsal and Jane finally walked in and I walked up to her and said "Hi! I'm supposed to talk to you about whether or not there is room for me!"
"And what do you play?" she asked.
"Kazoo." I thought. What I said was "I play what you play!" and I used my cheeriest tone. The director was standing there and he said "remember, I emailed you about her". And she got all prissy and said "I remember and I sent an email to her friend about her, but I never got a reply." I gave my best innocent what-do-you-do-about-boys shrug and then she looked at me and said in the same hurt and accusing tone "oh! I've worked with you before! You're the one who didn't know her schedule but now you're here."
I said "Well now I know my schedule."

Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but don't I have the RIGHT not to know if I can rehearse during the FIRST SEMESTER THAT I HAVE A REAL JOB? maybe not.

So, she asked me if I could play all the September concerts. I said "yeah, as far I as I know." (apparently this was not a good enough answer because she asked me the same question 3 more times and I finally replied with "well unless someone in my family dies." At which point she started a discourse on her mother. sigh.) And the first couple of rehearsals went by and they went by fine because I didn't have to sit next to her nor really interact with her.

Then there was rehearsal this week. During a bunch of rests I pulled out my phone to text my brother to remind him to do the laundry. I put the phone away and went back to playing. He texted me back and the phone kept buzzing so I pulled it out of my pocket to turn it off and during the next rest, I took it out to reply. At which point, she leaned across another player and asked "Is that an addiction?"
To which I replied: "Do I look like I'm in middle school, lady? Are you my mother or teacher? Where do you get off telling me not to text message during the middle of rehearsal if I want to?!! I AM TWENTY FOUR YEARS OLD!! I am not getting paid to be in this group and I can text message, talk or read a book during rehearsal if I choose and the ONLY person who can do anything about it is the DIRECTOR and he isn't saying anything. And you know why? Because I'm only doing it when I'm not playing. And even if I WERE doing it when I was supposed to be playing it wouldn't matter because we're playing a POPS CONCERT which means we are all playing in UNISON and you aren't playing in tune anyway, so what does it matter if I play or not? HUH? HUH? You know what? I quit. Find yourself another player. I don't need this. Come on, Phil, let's go."

Or, at least I WOULD have said it if I weren't such a weenie. (instead I said "no, it's important" and then kept taking out my phone just to irritate her.) If she says ONE thing to me during the next meeting I will not hold myself responsible if I happen to jump over the two players between us and grab her instrument and throw it on the ground and jump up and down on it yelling "take THAT!!"


Author's Note: Please understand that I don't actually wish her harm and I don't actually hate her. She annoys me and I feel sorry for her. I am just blowing off some steam in a relatively anonymous forum so that I don't end up saying something mean in a public one.